Thinking With Your Dick #5: Jizzed in Your Pants

condoms-on-laundry

I’m sorry for falling off track and not posting any Thinking With Your Dick entries in months… Here is a recent conversation, with more to follow in the coming weeks. (For those of you who are new to MSP or to Thinking With Your Dick, you can catch up in the archives here).

Debby: Have you seen the new SNL Jizzed in my Pants video? Thoughts? Meanderings? I doubt that many men wear preventative condoms in case of accidential spontaneous ejaculations, however. Or am I missing some obvious part of male subculture?

Dick: I hadn’t seen this, but I have a few reactions to it. First, I have heard of freakishly premature ejaculation among grown men without any penetration or even direct contact with the glans but i can’t say that it’s common at all. (I tried to write that in your voice).

Debby: That’s freakishly close to my voice. Though I would add that we don’t know how common it is (no good data on the matter) and that it’s way more common among teenagers and young men, as usually a few students per semester have either had this happen to them, or had it happen to a partner. Clothes come off, no touching, and whoosh.

Dick: Well, I’ve never had this problem, and I’m fairly certain that nobody walks around with a condom on to prevent spontaneous ejaculation, but I doubt they came up with it out of nowhere. Some writer must have heard of a dude who just blows loads randomly. 

Debby: Yeah, there are some men (rare cases, but true) who have worn condoms to catch spontaneous ejaculation that comes about either from excitement, stress or as a rare side effect from certain meds. The fact that I know these things at all makes me wonder what else will be tucked away in my memories after another 10 years in this field.

Dick: Also, Andy Samberg is approaching ‘overrated’ status as a performer.  He’ll never come close to Dick in a Box again, and I’m not sure he’s really an exceptional talent. I think he’s got a year or so left before he just ends up being a writer (and a pretty good one).

In his own words, Dick is a 27-year-old heterosexual college grad who works in TV and lives in New York.  He’s slept with approximately 15 women, most of whose names he can remember, but only a few of whom he’s ever had sex with more than once, and in full disclosure, one of them poured a beer on his head at a bar shortly after they got busy. He has two fantasy football teams, a two at a time netflix account, a used nissan, and a wardrobe consisting mostly of clothes from the Gap. He considers himself a decent pickup basketball player, better than average golfer, and is proud to have run a marathon in under 3:45.  Dick has an above average tolerance for alcohol, but realizes this could be a problem in the future.  He is curently dating someone, but if she ever read this that would probably change. He is by no means an expert in sex, love, or therapy.

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at www.sexualhealth.indiana.edu.