MSP’s Thinking With Your Dick: Installment #1

Every college professor who has ever taught a large lecture hall of students has had a guy student who sits slouched in his seat, has a bored or at least skeptical look on his face, has messy hair suggesting that he overslept (again), and frequently raises his hand to deliver some wise-ass comment. And yet it’s hard to dismiss him given that his comments suggest that he’s at least wide awake, listening, and thinking about whatever you’ve just said.

Women, too - even if they’re not college instructors – tend to have a guy like this in their lives. He might be her brother, friend, cousin, boyfriend or a friend of of her boyfriend’s. He’s the guy who seems to be going for shock value but, in reality, makes good points.

For me, this guy is Dick.

In his own words, Dick is a 26-year-old heterosexual college grad who works in TV and lives in New York.  He’s slept with approximately 15 women, most of whose names he can remember, but only a few of whom he’s ever had sex with more than once, and in full disclosure, one of them poured a beer on his head at a bar shortly after they got busy. He has two fantasy football teams, a two at a time netflix account, a used nissan, and a wardrobe consisting mostly of clothes from the Gap. He considers himself a decent pickup basketball player, better than average golfer, and is proud to have run a marathon in under 3:45.  Dick has an above average tolerance for alcohol, but realizes this could be a problem in the future.  He is curently dating someone, but if she ever read this that would probably change. He is by no means an expert in sex, love, or therapy.

So that’s Dick. And these MSP installments – Thinking With Your Dick – are our conversations.

Dr. Debby
I’ve been pretty fascinated by the Fleshlight lately… have you ever seen it? It’s like a pocket pussy in an industrial sized flashlight-looking container. See here: fleshlight.com – Thoughts? Feelings? Reactions?
Dick
i’d never heard the Fleshlight referred to by its proper name. i thought all those items were just known as pocket pussies. maybe that’s sorta the same way we call all tissues Kleenex. who knows?
Dr. Debby
Well the fleshlight is special because it comes in a flashlight-looking case and has a dial at the bottom that allows you to control the suction, make it tighter feeling (or less loud if you have roommates).
Dick
Now that I’m on the site, i’m pretty fascinated by this fleshlight thing as well. there are 3 questions that come to mind immediately – can you help explain any of this before i lay down 60 bucks?
#1. under the ‘choose an orifice’ tab, why are there 4 choices? have they found a new hole, and if so, who has it?

Read the rest of our conversation after the jump. 

Dr. Debby
No, they haven’t “found a new hole”. The 4th orifice is "neutral" – it’s like a slit. Personally I think it looks like a urethral opening at the head of a man’s penis.
Dick
i also thought it looked like the hole at the tip of a dick, and here’s how ignorant i am. i actually considered the idea that maybe some gay guys do each other in the penis hole. this is obviously absurd, but it was the only thing i could come up with. i guess a non-descript hole on a fleshlight is like a little black dress for a girl. very versatile i’m told.
Dr. Debby
Ouch. A penis in a urethral opening? That would be painful and dangerous – though it’s true that some guys (gay and straight alike – and some women too) will stick smaller objects in the urethra during sex play. Second question?
Dick
 #2. i’m disturbed a bit by the ‘buy 1 get 1 half off’ promotion…why would someone need 2 at once?
Dr. Debby
Maybe for a friend or partner? Maybe as a back-up like how some women have three or, um, seven silver bullet vibrator back-ups at any given time? Then again, some folks just like discounts. Guys who are experienced with toys, however, know that toys don’t last forever and, like most sex toys, fleshlights sometimes tear or otherwise break. So it’s always good to have another on hand.
Dick
Ok.  #3… and this is a practical concern that i need adressed…where does the cock snot go when you’re done? the back of the flashlight looks pretty well sealed?
Dr. Debby
You can take the sleeve out to clean it. Also there’s a hole at the other end of the sleeve so you can run water through it. You can also turn the sleeve inside out to clean it though that may risk tearing it slightly so I’d be careful there…
Dick
and one more thing…i just clicked on ‘build your own’ and got 30 seconds of porn. no dudes, just girls playing with themselves and the Fleshlight. that was a terrific surprise.
 
are they actually marketing this thing to women, or do they just know that guys who bang rubber pussies want to see hot chicks fingering themselves?
Dr. Debby
Yeah, they’re marketing that to men, getting the guys aroused with the porn and then… um… maybe they realize there is no woman in their life? or there is but she won’t give them access to her vagina? or maybe he has access but he thinks "hey, sex toys are fun too" and suddenly he is whipping out his credit card and buying the fleshlight.  
Dick
i was really racking my brain to figure out who would be the most likely person to buy one of these…i think this testimonial from the fleshlight web site says it all…
 
“I am an ordained pastor, PHd, successful businessman, martial artist, father of seven, satisfied husband. The product was a challenge for me intellectually and morally until I thought it through, then I realized that a quality surrogate was a great solution to an ancient problem – the feeling of freedom, the release of guilt, the incredible sensation – just telling it like it is.”
 
if this thing is good enough for a rich, PHd toting, god-loving ninja , who am i to scoff at it?
Dr. Debby
whoa…. "a challenge for me intellectually?" like, what? he didn’t understand how it worked?
Dick
i have no idea what the intellectual challenge is.   he’s fucking a piece of molded rubber…imagine the deep thought he must put into taking a dump
 

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at www.sexualhealth.indiana.edu.