Sex Advice

Recent posts

MSP Sex Q&A: How long do women’s orgasms last?

Question: I’ve heard that women’s orgasms last for several minutes, but mine seem much shorter. How long do they really last? Answer: Not long enough! Really, you will rarely ever (if ever) find a woman who says “ugh, my orgasm lasted way too long”. That’s because they really are fleeting events, lasting about 10 to 30 seconds depending on its intensity and the number of contractions involved in the orgasm. Continue Reading →

How can you learn to perform oral sex on a guy without gagging?

Question: How can you learn to perform oral sex on a guy without gagging? Answer: While not all women and men who perform oral sex on men get to The Point of No Gagging, many people find that there is some room for improvement. Fellatio (oral sex performed on a man) can often become less gag-inducing over time. How so? Well, some people simply find that – as with many things – fellatio becomes easier with practice. Continue Reading →

Recent sex column round-ups

- In Velocity, check out my responses to a guy who was wondering whether he should get his booty-calling-ex a holiday gift and to a woman whose boyfriend wants her to grow her nails long so she can scratch his back (yes, in that way) – that Dec 31 column can be found on the Velocity web site

- Also in Velocity, last week’s column brought us questions from one reader who asked me for ways to re-ignite his relationship following a two-week dry spell and another reader who was bothered by her husband’s use of porn

- In Time Out Chicago, last week my weekly In&Out column heard from a male reader who wondered to what extent his penis size might be contributing to his seeming lack of luck in getting his exes to orgasm, an 18 year old female reader who experienced some bleeding after sex (well, technically after fingering) and was wondering about that, and a male reader who was looking for a way to speed up his girlfriend’s orgasm (the fact that he was spraying lidocaine on his penis in order to last longer was a challenging issue in and of itself – yikes! not a good idea, folks). – In this week’s Time Out Chicago, there are even more interesting questions from readers! Take, for example, the woman who asked how to improve her odds of orgasm given the religious guilt she experiences in regard to masturbation, another woman who wondered about whether it was safe for women to take birth control pills for years on end (and whether there was a pill for men), and a 30-ish guy whose fear of germs has kept him from having sex or getting into the relationship he very much wants. Read the column here. Continue Reading →

MSP Sex Q&A: Why is it so hard for women to have orgasms during sex?

Question: Why is it so darn hard for me to have an orgasm during sex? Is that normal?  
Answer: It is completely common for it to be difficult for a woman to orgasm during intercourse. In fact, it is often far easier for women to orgasm from direct clitoral stimulation, such as occurs during cunnilingus (oral sex performed on a woman), masturbation (solo or with a partner) or vibrator use. There is no one way to experience pleasure during sex; neither is there one “standard” path to orgasm. Continue Reading →

This week’s In&Out column

Time Out Chicago has a beautiful new web site! Check it out – and read through my weekly In&Out column – and learn all about the following:
- why gynecology appointments are super important to keep (even for women who aren’t having sex)
- whether anal sex can ever really be done without a condom
- what we know (and don’t know) about the "g shot" for the g spot
Read the full column here. Anyone see LOST last night? Crazy stuff… did Juliet really need to go there? Continue Reading →

Why does my vagina hurt and burn after sex? What to do for vaginal burning and more.


When me and my boyfriend have sex after a while my vagina starts to hurt/burn. Why does this happen? Answer:
I’m so sorry that you’re hurting during what should otherwise be a super fun, pleasurable encounter with your boyfriend!!! There are several reasons why women might experience pain, discomfort or burning during or after sex. Sometimes discomfort or irritation is caused by lots of friction during sex – using a lubricant can help to reduce friction and make intercourse feel more comfortable and pleasurable. Continue Reading →

Dan Savage and I get the same sex question: When sex columnists collide

A couple of weeks ago I was at the salon getting my hair done, trying but failing to not be the woman who checks her blackberry while sitting in the stylist’s chair, when I get a text message that says “Savage Love and you have the same question up right now.” Enjoying my lovely afternoon at the salon and not thinking much about it, I write back, “Really? Which one?” and then, a moment later as a-ha moment kicks in, “Same in content or exact same words?” to which I get “The one about the 40 year old gay guy whose bf was making him buy everything” and then “Exact same words”. Continue Reading →

Fleshbot’s Best of Sex Advice Section: Guess Who?

For the second time in recent memory, Fleshbot has given a shout-out to my In&Out sex column (which appears in Time Out Chicago) in their Best of Sex Advice feature - this time, referencing a column in which a reader asked for information about improving sex quickies. Someone posted a comment on Fleshbot that said “if a person can’t have a quickie, then no advice column is going to help” but I disagree! Some folks – believe it or not – simply haven’t heard of lube, which can work wonders if you don’t have time to get all wet and slathery on your own. Other folks don’t keep condoms on hand or they try awkward positions or they think you must have intercourse in order to have a satisfying but quick sexual encounter. Not so – as I point out in TOC 135. Continue Reading →