I caught an interesting summary on Polyamory in the News of five things that make polyamorous relationships work. In the original article, the author (a therapist) describes the five essential components that she believes an open relationship requires in order to succeed. I mention them here because, as I’ve described in the past, often something that make an open relationship work will be useful in closed or monogamous relationships too. First, everyone involved in the relationship has to really want it: they have to be engaged, active, willing participants. While this is obviously crucial in open relationships in order to make sure that one partner doesn’t feel pressured or dragged into something they’re not ready for, this is also an important point for closed relationships. Continue Reading →
Polyamory
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Book Review: What Does Polyamory Look Like? By Mim Chapman
Psychologist Alice Kahn Ladas introduces “What Does Polyamory Look Like?” as “delightfully lighthearted, inclusively descriptive, and relevantly self-revealing,” and I agree with this assessment. For anyone interested in learning about open relationships – possibly to practice them, counsel people in them, or understand friends or family in them – this book offers a helpful overview of the basic forms this lifestyle can take. The first two chapters contain simple introductory material about polyamory, which the author defines as “a lifestyle based on the belief that it is not only possible but also perfectly normal to love more than one person at the same time.” In distinguishing polyamory from swinging, Chapman writes that the former allows more freedom to develop emotional intimacy with others while the latter emphasizes sexual intimacy. This distinction may not be universally accepted (I’ve seen polyamory used as the umbrella term under which swinging falls, for instance), but it’s the author’s right to define terms as she’ll use them throughout her work. Continue Reading →
Open Marriage In The News
As is often the case, topics in the news prompt people to think about the concepts being discussed and possible to evaluate them in a new light. Currently, thanks to Newt Gingrich, the spotlight is on open marriage. The concept of open marriages or open relationships is far from new, however. It’s simply that most people in open relationships do not see the benefits to being “out” about them, much as gays and lesbians remained closeted (and some still do) out of legitimate fears of retaliation from people in their communities. One of the reasons, too, that open relationships are not widely discussed is that they’re difficult to label and define. Continue Reading →
Are Multi-Partner Relationships Good For Kids?
More and more people are identifying as non-monogamous or polyamorous, meaning that they ethically pursue multi-partner relationships. The effect of such relationships upon children, however, is the subject of vigorous debate with potentially harsh consequences. This article reports on some of the studies thus far, both rigorously researched and informally carried out. However, there hasn’t been a lot of research done on this topic, partly because it’s been under most scholars’ radar, and partly because poly parents are reluctant to speak to anyone “official” for fear that they’ll be judged unfit as parents. As the author points out, there is a “common perception that children in poly (and nonheterosexual) families are at higher risk for sexual abuse than those in monogamous families,” which is actually unfounded, but must be considered by anyone in these situations. Continue Reading →
Canada’s Polygamy/Polyamory Ruling
As you may or may not know, Canada’s courts recently made a decision on whether polygamy and other formalized non-monogamous commitments were to be considered criminal. Covered here by Polyamory in the News, the case has a number of fascinating features. The chief judge stated that the law is meant to protect women and children from the abuses that can result in the forms of polygyny practiced by some extreme Christian sects, whereas relationships between multiple consenting adults that are not formalized by marriage (such as a polyamorous triad living together) are not illegal. Interestingly, the case created an unconventional alliance between polyamorous pagans and polygamous Christians, as pointed out in The Wild Hunt’s coverage of the case. As they point out, simply having a marriage ceremony could theoretically criminalize a multi-partner arrangement, which “Considering how many Canadian Pagan polyamorous families have had public marriage/handfasting ceremonies this interpretation of the law places them on the same legal footing as a polygamous Mormon (or Muslim) household.” Continue Reading →
The Importance Of Fluid Bonding
What, you may ask, is fluid bonding? And why should you care? Fluid bonding frequently comes up in the context of non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships, but it’s just as important for monogamous folks, because it entails discussion and negotiation of acceptable risks, intimacy, trust, and pleasure. Fluid bonding, at its most basic, is the agreement to share bodily fluids with someone. You and your partner(s) discuss what makes sense to you in terms of sexual health and emotional intimacy. Continue Reading →
Something To Celebrate: Poly House Party Weekend June 3-4, 2011
A lot of my recent posts have been serious, doom-and-gloom affairs: educators have no sexual rights! alternative sexualities are being oppressed in the U.S. and around the world! things suck! Okay, not that last one. But I wanted to highlight something I see as a really positive development: Poly House Party Weekend. Continue Reading →
Miss Manners On Poly Politeness
A writer asked Miss Manners how to deal with addressing invitations to members of a poly household or situation in order to not be offensive; her reply is illuminating and, of course, the height of considerate. Follow us on Twitter @mysexprofessor. Follow Jeana, the author of this post, @foxyfolklorist. Continue Reading →
Polyamory Resources
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and research around non-monogamy and polyamory lately, and wanted to share a few books and resources I’ve found. First, I found this wonderful resource, which is akin to an FAQ for people who are considering polyamory. It’s written by Match.com, so I don’t know if there’s an ulterior motive, but it seems like a very useful resource for people who are questioning their mono-centric culture. Next, my Facebook friend posted this fascinating visual representing the different types of non-monogamy. Because I appreciate visual representations of data, I really enjoyed thinking about all the different intersections that this explored. For those who are confused, it is really like a mutant Venn diagram with many different overlaps. Continue Reading →
Romantic Love, Marital Monogamy, And Swinging
I was lucky enough to attend a lecture at the Kinsey Institute recently, titled “The Tyranny of Two: Are Love and Non-Monogamy Incompatible?” by Curtis R. Bergstrand. What follows is a summary of my hastily-penned notes, which I think are interesting regardless of one’s engagement in swinging, and which are also mostly a plug for Bergstrand’s book Swinging in America: Love, Sex, and Marriage in the 21st Century (because we only really skimmed the surface of Bergstrand’s research in the presentation, and I definitely wanted to know more by the end!). Continue Reading →