Recent posts

Queer And Poly Relationships: Good For Straight Marriages Too?

According to this article, the social and emotional practices of same-sex couples, such as staying close friends with exes, provide examples of “many unconventional relationship constructs— unconventional for opposite-sex marriages, at any rate—that same-sex couples are likely to import into the institution of marriage. And that’s not necessarily such a bad thing.” Because there are very few concrete models for how same-sex or non-monogamous relationships should work, the people involved in them must be more inventive, less constricted by gender roles or societal norms, which may well lead to innovative relationship strategies that could benefit everyone. As summarized in the Polyamory in the Media coverage of the article, “If you don’t buy into the myth that One Right Person exists who has to be your everything, then you don’t have to shun a person you loved as a Totally Evil Mistake if things don’t work out. In poly, you don’t have to extremify.” Continue Reading →

The Importance Of Fluid Bonding

What, you may ask, is fluid bonding? And why should you care? Fluid bonding frequently comes up in the context of non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships, but it’s just as important for monogamous folks, because it entails discussion and negotiation of acceptable risks, intimacy, trust, and pleasure. Fluid bonding, at its most basic, is the agreement to share bodily fluids with someone. You and your partner(s) discuss what makes sense to you in terms of sexual health and emotional intimacy. Continue Reading →

Polyamory Resources

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and research around non-monogamy and polyamory lately, and wanted to share a few books and resources I’ve found. First, I found this wonderful resource, which is akin to an FAQ for people who are considering polyamory.  It’s written by Match.com, so I don’t know if there’s an ulterior motive, but it seems like a very useful resource for people who are questioning their mono-centric culture. Next, my Facebook friend posted this fascinating visual representing the different types of non-monogamy.  Because I appreciate visual representations of data, I really enjoyed thinking about all the different intersections that this explored.  For those who are confused, it is really like a mutant Venn diagram with many different overlaps. Continue Reading →

Romantic Love, Marital Monogamy, And Swinging

I was lucky enough to attend a lecture at the Kinsey Institute recently, titled “The Tyranny of Two: Are Love and Non-Monogamy Incompatible?” by Curtis R. Bergstrand. What follows is a summary of my hastily-penned notes, which I think are interesting regardless of one’s engagement in swinging, and which are also mostly a plug for Bergstrand’s book Swinging in America: Love, Sex, and Marriage in the 21st Century (because we only really skimmed the surface of Bergstrand’s research in the presentation, and I definitely wanted to know more by the end!). Continue Reading →

MSP Sex Q&A: What are polyamorous relationships like? Can they work?

Question: What are polyamorous relationships like? Can they work? Answer: Strictly speaking, polyamory refers to the practice of having “several lovers”. In practice, people use this term to describe a variety of different sexual and romantic relationship structures including open relationships between two people (in which it is understood that one or both partners may sometimes be sexual with others), swinging, tribes or circles (two terms sometimes used to refer to groups of people who may be sexual with each other, either at the same time or in coupled situations) and other types of structures. Human beings are creative and, as such, there are numerous ways that they may experience openness in their sexual and romantic relationships. Continue Reading →