Yes, I kinda just made up the phrase “mono-centric torture porn.” Here’s what I mean by it: a story that dwells on, even fetishizes, the character(s) being forced to choose between two lovers in order to end up in a monogamous long-term relationship. I borrow the term “torture porn” from film reviewers who use it to describe movies that don’t seem to have much going on beyond the gory dismembering and killing happening on screen, since it gets to the point of being gratuitous violence. I also feel like plots that make us sit through a book or film where OMG YOU MUST CHOOSE ONE are gratuitous and sickening. I mean, who would ever write a book or make a movie about someone being forced to choose between their two best friends? Continue Reading →
Monogamy
Recent posts
Benefits Of Non-Monogamy For Animals
Recent research from Indiana University suggests that female birds who mate with males outside their monogamous pairing are conferring reproductive advantages upon their offspring. This long-term study measured reproductive success by noticing that the offspring of promiscuous female birds went on to have more offspring of their own. The interesting take-home points here are that not all species are monogamous, and that non-monogamous behavior appears to be beneficial in some circumstances. Follow us on Twitter @mysexprofessor. Follow Jeana, the author of this post, @foxyfolklorist. Continue Reading →
Monogamy On The Rise (If You’re Just Measuring Monogamy)
According to this report, monogamy has been rising in a period from 1975-2000, based on a study of 6,864 straight and gay men and women… who live in monogamous couples. What the study really seems to be measuring is the rate of fidelity, as in, how often partners reported cheating. Coupla problems here: first, with self-reporting a stigmatized phenomenon like cheating it is tough to gauge accuracy; and second, the study didn’t seem to look at non-monogamous formations (in order to have something to compare monogamy to), ranging from singles to polyamorous folks to swingers. So if there’s less cheating happening in monogamous relationships, great–it just doesn’t necessarily mean that the phenomenon of monogamy is increasing. Continue Reading →
The Importance Of Fluid Bonding
What, you may ask, is fluid bonding? And why should you care? Fluid bonding frequently comes up in the context of non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships, but it’s just as important for monogamous folks, because it entails discussion and negotiation of acceptable risks, intimacy, trust, and pleasure. Fluid bonding, at its most basic, is the agreement to share bodily fluids with someone. You and your partner(s) discuss what makes sense to you in terms of sexual health and emotional intimacy. Continue Reading →
Judgmental (And Inaccurate) Misconceptions About Non-Monogamy (Part I)
The opening sentence of an article titled Non-Monogamy: Do Open Relationships Work? is “Non-monogamy is about one thing–sex.” If that’s true, does it mean that monogamy is not about sex? Or that non-monogamy can’t be about things other than sex? Sadly, this poorly written article continues with the sex-negative rhetoric, lumping all non-monogamous (also called polyamorous or poly or open) relationships into one nymphomaniac category that the author, working on assumptions rather than research, opposes to The One True Way, Monogamy. Continue Reading →
The Cheaper Option
This was too funny not to post. Look closely at the titles and price tags (thanks, Kevin, for linking me to this!). Follow us on Twitter @mysexprofessor. Follow Jeana, the author of this post, @foxyfolklorist. Continue Reading →
Do Monogamous Animals End Up With Unattractive Partners?
That’s what Jennifer Viegas explores over at Discovery.com today, as she describes work in different animal species. And work in birds suggests that certain female birds who wind up with less attractive/less ideal mates end up with higher levels of stress hormones, pointing to the need to consider stress in relationships in more nuanced ways. It’s an interesting article and worth the read. [Discovery, hat tip to @GuyKawasaki] Continue Reading →
Bill Maher compares Mark Sanford’s love emails and Mark Foley’s texts
Bill Maher recently showed a side-by-side comparison of Gov. Mark Sanford’s emails to his Argentine lover and former Congressman Mark Foley’s texts to his pages. No matter what your opinions are on monogamy, marriage, politics, adultery, falling in love (like, or lust) with one person while being with another, sexual orientation, or verbal seduction, you can perhaps at least appreciate the humor in the following contrasts: Continue Reading →