When Men Take A Long Time To Orgasm: Delayed Ejaculation

couple dancing

 

Things to Know about Men’s Orgasm: #1 Sometimes men take a long time, too.

 And not just in the bathroom with their laptop or newspaper in hand.

Although we often think of women being the ones to take forever and a day to orgasm (especially when just learning to orgasm for the first few dozen times), sometimes men take a long time to orgasm, too. How come?

Well, we’re not entirely sure why; reasons vary. We do know, however, that men’s genitals – like women’s lady parts – vary. Some men have highly sensitive genitals. Just the slightest sensation can send them to Orgasm Land.

For other men, their penis and scrotum are not exactly dull (I’ve never met a dull penis in my life!) but not so sensitive. These men may find, for example, that it takes intense stimulation – possibly even from a strong back massager-like vibrator – to bring them to orgasm.

If a man’s genital sensation changes over time – like, if he once felt quite sensitive and eventually starts to feel like orgasm becomes more difficult  – he’d be wise to check in with a healthcare provider. Sometimes medical conditions such as diabetes can interfere with nerve sensation in men’s most phenomenal of parts.

Other times, the difference isn’t so much in the sex organ Down Below as it is in the humongous sex orgasm up above (that would be the brain). So much about sex has to do with mental arousal and being able to simultaneously let go while focusing on sexual pleasure and sensations. If a man is distracted by feeling guilty about sex, worried about work or school, or concerned that his partner isn’t really into him, then he might find it difficult to come. Similarly, if a guy is overly focused on being a good lover and constantly criticizing himself during sex or monitoring his every move, then that too can take away from the big orgasmic picture. Other times men have sex with someone they’re not super into, or maybe they like their partner all right but the things they’re getting up to in bed are sort of “ho-hum” in their minds and not enough “hmmmm” to arouse them enough for orgasm.

What to do?

This so-called “delayed ejaculation” doesn’t have to be a major problem. If you, as a man’s partner, are multiply orgasmic, then yay for you! You may have more time to enjoy a greater number of orgasms should you so desire them. If it takes you a long time to orgasm, too, then you are both in good company. You both may enjoy spending eons during sex, taking your time to experience pleasure and – if you feel like it – an orgasm too.

If, as his partner, you can only comfortably take so much penetration before it gets painful, then try spending the bulk of your start-up time doing other exciting things like hand touching, oral sex, or toy play before finishing off with intercourse. Or try the reverse – try intercourse for only as long as you find to be comfortable and pleasurable. Then, if he’d like an orgasm, you can switch to another activity. Whether sex lasts for three minutes or three hours, there is much potential for pleasure. By keeping an open mind and a bit of flexibility, you can make what you want of it.

That said, if a man who is struggling with delayed ejaculation is feeling frustrated by it or unable to speed orgasm (in spite of trying various things), he may be helped by meeting with a sex therapist. Some sexual issues are easily addressed on one’s own and others are more easily addressed in working with a sex therapist. Ongoing issues with delayed or inhibited ejaculation (men’s orgasm that takes a very long time or that doesn’t happen at all) is one that is more easily addressed as part of sex therapy. You can find a sex therapist through AASECT or SSTAR.

[Originally published in my weekly sex column on CheekyChicago.com]

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at www.sexualhealth.indiana.edu.

  • Mike

    1) penis sensitivity can be affected by the presence of the foreskin. If you’ve got a foreskin, you’re penis is likely to be more sensitive to touch.

    2) Levitra delays my orgasms. I find it hard to ejaculate the evening I take the drug. By morning, my sexual response is more normal.

  • Mike

    1) penis sensitivity can be affected by the presence of the foreskin. If you’ve got a foreskin, you’re penis is likely to be more sensitive to touch.

    2) Levitra delays my orgasms. I find it hard to ejaculate the evening I take the drug. By morning, my sexual response is more normal.

  • rakesh

    i have more sensitive pennis,
    i want more time to spend in during sex
    please help me

  • http://none rakesh

    i have more sensitive pennis,
    i want more time to spend in during sex
    please help me

  • http://www.sexualityresources.com/ Ellen Barnard

    Debby-

    The other VERY common reason for delayed ejaculation is the use of SSRI-type anti-depressants. In fact, some doctors prescribe these for men who ejaculate more quickly than they want. Some anti-anxiety drugs (Klonopin, for example) can also delay ejaculation. So it’s always wise to ask about medication changes as a part of thinking about delayed ejaculation.

    Thanks!

  • http://www.sexualityresources.com Ellen Barnard

    Debby-

    The other VERY common reason for delayed ejaculation is the use of SSRI-type anti-depressants. In fact, some doctors prescribe these for men who ejaculate more quickly than they want. Some anti-anxiety drugs (Klonopin, for example) can also delay ejaculation. So it’s always wise to ask about medication changes as a part of thinking about delayed ejaculation.

    Thanks!

  • ting jhon

    how to have strong and long time sex with bed partner give me some tips on this matter

  • ting jhon

    how to have strong and long time sex with bed partner give me some tips on this matter

  • hossyn

    How to have strong and long time sex with my bed patners?please give me tips

  • hossyn

    How to have strong and long time sex with my bed patners?please give me tips