A few weeks ago, I started an email chain with Dick and a mutual friend. This is how it went:
Debby: Recently I was talking to (friend) about men who like urethral play. In other words, men who like to stimulate themselves by inserting things into their urethras. Things I’ve heard of being inserted into the urethra: metal rods, straws, snakes (yes, live snakes), sticks, leaves, etc. Have you heard of this? It clearly runs its fair share of risks but some people dig it. Here are some examples of urethral “sounds” that some people play with (there are sex sites that sell medical equipment – aka medical toys - that are used for sex play): http://store.erosboutique.com/mm5/merchant.mvcScreen=CTGY&Store_Code=erosbout&Category_Code=medical2
Dick: (silent. Ignores this three-way email conversation he is supposed to be a part of, but our mutual friend chimes in)
Mutual Friend: oh jesus. really? these things exist?
Debby: well between that and a live garden snake, which would you go with? a not-living metal sound or a snake? I mean, if you had to choose?
Mutual Friend: i don’t get it…it vibrates against you or you insert it?
Debby: you insert it. well, maybe not “you”, but some people do. In one medical article that I read, the doctor found a dead snake in a man’s bladder. It presumably wriggled free after the guy had inserted it into his urethra, and it got stuck in his bladder.
Mutual Friend: This one is way over the top for me. I just don’t think I would find that pleasurable or safe.
Dick: i actually thought we talked about this kind of thing already, but i guess i obsessed over this for weeks with other random citizens.
Debby: First, we barely ever touched on urethral play (see earlier conversation in which you wondered about the Fleshlight in relation to this). Second, the thought of you having these conversations “for weeks” with others makes me feel like you’re cheating on me by having amazing sex conversations with other people and not keeping me posted. Sad.
Dick: Waitâ€¦ a snake? seriously? We can talk about this, but i can’t open these links at work…
Debby: Okay, I’ll save the link to a 2006 article titled “From Urethra With Shove: Bladder Foreign Bodies: A Case Report and Review” for another time. It’s one of my favorites.
In his own words, Dick is a 27-year-old heterosexual college grad who works in TV and lives in New York. He’s slept with approximately 15 women, most of whose names he can remember, but only a few of whom he’s ever had sex with more than once, and in full disclosure, one of them poured a beer on his head at a bar shortly after they got busy. He has two fantasy football teams, a two at a time netflix account, a used nissan, and a wardrobe consisting mostly of clothes from the Gap. He considers himself a decent pickup basketball player, better than average golfer, and is proud to have run a marathon in under 3:45. Dick has an above average tolerance for alcohol, but realizes this could be a problem in the future. He is curently dating someone, but if she ever read this that would probably change. He is by no means an expert in sex, love, or therapy.
To read previous Thinking With Your Dick entries, click here.
To learn more about sexual play and enhancement, check out my new book, “Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction” (pre-order it on Amazon.com)
[Photo of snake by dws1117, via Flickr/Creative Commons.]