Sex, Love, and Life Advice for Guys

I’m not a sex educator, but I am a sex geek and I love to talk about sex. There’s nothing like having a discussion with your mates in a pub, while the rest of the world moves around you and you’re discussing the latest thing you’ve learned, then some random walks past right at that part of the conversation and you get a weird look.

So in response to Debby’s post about advice for women, I compiled a male set of advice that I thought could be helpful to MSP’s readers.

1. You have penis – learn to live with it. Learn to accept that it will sometimes do things of its own accord. Also accept that if you are touching it too much, whether it’s ball scratching, re-adjustment etc. (which by the way I get, sometimes you just need to move things around) in a public space, you will be sending the subconscious message to every woman (or man) present, that something isn’t right downstairs. With that in mind, keep an eye on discharge (and no I don’t just mean ejaculate), and get checked regularly. And yes, this means finding a doctor or clinic where you are happy to talk about your penis.

2. Man-scaping is not a mandate. Speaking with my female friends, a little bit of grooming goes a long way, but if you’re happy with the current situation, then that is cool too. Remember that it’s all up to you about what happens to your body, the same applies for piercings, tattoos and scars (I have all three and wear them proudly as they all mean something to me).

3. If you’re happy with your penis, don’t try and change it. There seems to be this perception that you need to be hung like a horse and as round as a red bull can. You don’t. My favorite saying is “it’s not what you’ve got, but how you use it.” If you are confident with what you have, and feel comfortable, then be you and have fun.

4. Things your ex gave you are not cool to your new partner. Either store them away if you really feel the need to keep them (I’m allowing for the whole wedding ring scenario as I’m hoping to give my kids my wedding ring to melt down when the time comes for them) or clean out the box and the cupboard. This includes clothes as Debby says, if you haven’t worn it in a year, it’s time to move on.

5. If you like someone, tell them. It’s really good to be open about how you feel, and sometimes, it does take some amazing bravery to be honest. It won’t always work out, but if you’re honest and respectful, it’s a great start. If you see a good-looking woman in a bar with some friends, let her know she’s looking good, but not in a creepy way. Be the guy that says, “You look really good tonight” and mean it without expecting anything in return. Walking away may mean that you’re the guy she looks for, or not, but either way, you have payed a compliment that may make her feel good.

6. Relax about sex (I agree with Debby here).  Having discovered myself at 15, and living with the constant pull of sex drive since then, I know all about getting tense about sex. There is only one way to be successful at sex, Relax. As guys, we can get hung up on the politics, the science, the techniques, the desire, the suggested way we should do things from mainstream media. Relax. As soon as you start to realize that it’s OK to have time by yourself learning your body (and yes I know as most guys we pick that up during our teen years), but learn about the different things that make you feel good. Then you learn to relax about that stuff, and you can have fun learning what makes your partner relax. Also, leave work at work. If you can’t leave it at the front door, then it can be hard to decompress and that can lead to issues and more stress. Just take a breath before you walk in the door, or play your favorite music loudly on the way home, and realize that when you relax, things go much better. I’m not saying that stress-based sex can’t be mind blowing and enjoyable, but in my experience, the majority of the time, no relax = no fun.

I’m not claiming the be-all and end-all of male experience here. But going across the Internet, at times there is very little discussion for men that isn’t based off a porn-sponsored source. Don’t get me wrong, there is a place for porn, but I think that as guys, we need to start owning our bodies again, and taking them back from the porn industry.

About Guest Blogger Larry Emery: Having been an Intensive Care Nurse, a barista, and a Medical Rep, Larry is heading back to University to study a Masters in International Public Health. When he’s not educating in intensive care units, you’ll find him cooking, playing his guitar or traveling in the Asia-Pacific area for work and pleasure. Find him on twitter @lazonearth.

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    I agree with pretty much everything you’ve stated here. The only thing I would add is that guys should learn to be more perceptive. Women – and other men – make hints and slight moves to show their interest, and most guys are completely oblivious to it all.

    There seems to be a complete inability for most men to read the signals others send them. If someone is being sexually open with you in discussion, the chances are they have an interest in you – unless it’s in a group as Larry describes. I wouldn’t be proposing a group session based on that discussion! lol

    Guys need to be more aware of what others are saying and how others act towards them. Many opportunities are missed because a guy doesn’t realise when someone is making a move on them.

    Great post Larry!