MSP Q&A: What Does Sex Feel Like?

Recently on Yahoo Questions, a young woman had a question about whether sex would feel good (when she eventually has it) given that she recently tried using a dildo and found that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. The original Q&A can be found on the Yahoo Questions web site. This was my reply:

As someone who studies sexuality as well as what people do with sex toys, this is what I can tell you:

While some women enjoy using dildos, not all do. In fact, women more often use vibrators than they use dildos. Even when they do use vibrators, women  more often use vibrators on their clitoris (which is on the vulva, an outside part of a woman’s genitals).

That’s because the clitoris is more sensitive to sexual stimulation than the vagina for many women and so it is more often linked to feelings of physical pleasure and orgasm than vaginal stimulation.

That doesn’t mean, however, that sex doesn’t feel good. In fact, it often does! However, much of what people enjoy about sex is not just the physical sensations but the emotional sensations. When women and men feel sexually aroused and excited, that excitement can change the way that their bodies feel and it can make their genitals feel more sensitive, increase their heart rate, make them breath faster, and such. Emotionally, women and men also enjoy the feelings of closeness, intimacy and attraction. So just because using a dildo right now didn’t feel exciting to you doesn’t mean that it never will, and it also doesn’t mean that you won’t enjoy other types of sexual closeness as you get older and more experienced.

My advice would be to take your time, make sure that you keep feeling comfortable with your body, try to establish open communication with at least one parent or trusted family member (like an aunt or older sister) so that you always have someone to talk to who you know cares about you, and be open and honest with your healthcare provider about your sexual activities (whether oral, vaginal or anal sexual play).

You can learn more about sexuality at TeenWire.com. Please ask your healthcare provider if you have any questions about your sexual health or body.

Best,
Debby

If you have a question about sex or relationships, send it to me! Your confidentiality will be respected.

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at www.sexualhealth.indiana.edu.