Sexual Exploration for Better Sex: MSP Homework of the Week

Last week, our MSP Homework of the Week (HOTW) was about improving your relationship. This week, consider ways that you and a partner – or you by yourself – might explore sexually. Books about sex often encourage women and men to “get in touch” with their bodies or to “find out what feels good and teach your partner” and I support that – I’m sure I’ve even said those lines before myself and probably will again. I think it’s good advice to learn about your body and what feels good and doesn’t feel good, and what feels especially good. However, I think many people get stuck in thinking that a certain technique or type of stimulation is the only way that they can feel good, orgasm, or connect with a partner in a way that works for them.

If you have a sexual partner, rather than only teaching him or her what worked for you in your last relationship, or what works for you during your masturbation, consider taking a more exploratory approach. Let someone kiss you in a way you’ve  never been kissed – or in a place you’ve never been kissed. Assuming that you have some lube handy, allow things to get a bit more “vigorous”.  Always going for rough? Try it gentle and slow. And try not to focus so much on orgasm. If you can focus on pleasure, then you’ll find that a lot more things will fit the bill – and if you practice them enough over time, you may find new ways or types of stimulation that lead to orgasm rather than depending on one single way of making it work.

If your sexual partner is currently your hand or a sex toy (and most of us have been in that boat before, and it’s often a fine boat to be in), try varying your speed, hand position, vibration frequency, or type of sex toy. Squat instead of lay down. Or lay on your stomach instead of your back. Or even vary your  breathing pattern from slow and deep to shallow and quick.

Sex should be fun! So play around, be safe and see if you can learn something new about your own body, your partner’s body, your vibrator or sex in general.

Image via this site.

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at