Phone Sex: Orgasm and iPhone 3.0 Software Included

I have to admit. The inspiration for this post was not what you might expect: it was Gizmodo’s article about the iPhone 3.0 OS software which includes features I have long waited for such as copy and paste, turn-by-turn directions (like the Garmin), and – whoa there – the ability to tether your iPhone to your laptop to get internet access. This is totally going to change my airport experience. Thanks to Apple, when I think of orgasmic phone sex, I am now thinking of my iPhone.

But perhaps you’re reading this because you want to learn about how people have sex over the phone, right? Okay, then. I’ll deliver. But I can’t promise I’ll keep the iPhone entirely out of it.

Here are several tips for pleasurable, and possibly orgasmic, phone sex:

1. Make sure your partner’s game for phone sex. Not everyone is into sex via phone and letting them know that you’re stimulating yourself while talking to them could be perceived as creepy if they’re not cool with it. Before you take the plunge, ask the other person (hopefully someone you know rather than someone you’re prank calling?) what they think of phone sex and/or whether they’d ever be open to trying it with you.

2. What’s cool, what’s not? Once your phone sex plans get green lit, you might want to find out what they’re down for and what they’re not. For example, how do they want to have phone sex? How do they feel about dirty talk? About dirty texts? About the occasional scandalous photo?

3. Consider your own boundaries and comfort zones. Don’t send naked pictures over your cell phone or computer if you wouldn’t be 100% comfortable with them winding up on the internet or in your parent’s or children’s hands. Keep your face or identifying birth marks or tattoos out of the picture if possible. Stick to all promises you make to each about other deleting pictures after viewing them. [In other words, DO NOT use your iPhone 3.0 OS to copy and paste private photos and send them to others.]

4. Prepare the scene. Once you’re good to go, make sure you’re in a place where you have a solid – and secure (especially if pictures or video are being exchanged) – connection so that you don’t get interruped by static or dropped calls. [Tether your iPhone to your laptop as needed once 3.0 OS is out!] Try to call each other when you’re unlikely to be interruped by roommates or favorite TV shows. Spend a few moments before your call relaxing, as relaxation is key to building sexual arousal, excitement and pleasure.

5. Start slowly. You might let your person know that you’ve been thinking about this all day or evening, that you’ve been looking forward to the call and such. Some people like to start by finding out what the other person is wearing or what they are doing (sitting on the couch? laying in bed?) so that they can get a good visual to enhance their arousal and prepare for masturbation. Others tell their partners what they are doing, where they are sitting, whether they are touching themselves and so on. [iPhone 3.0 OS tip: if you made a deal that it was okay to save photos your person sent you, you can use your new "search" function to find it on your phone and then mention that you're looking at that total-masturbation-material photo she or he sent you the other week.] 

6. Pay attention to your person’s cues. Try to notice if they are getting more and more into your phone sex play or if they are backing off or seem nervous or uncertain. A challenge with phone sex is that you don’t have visuals to go by unless you have a video phone or are using skype (with video) over the internet. Even then, it’s not the same as being together in person. Try to keep your phone sex as connected and caring of each other as possible.

7. Work on your timing. In some ways, orgasms during phone sex are similar to orgasms in real life. If you two are interested in orgasms or trying to have orgasms during phone sex, you can either take turns or you can try to have an orgasm at the same time (trying to come at the same time can be challenging and is sometimes easier when a man can control the timing of his ejaculation to coincide iwth that of his partner). Women often find it more difficult to control the timing of their orgasms. [Note: I was hoping the iPhone 3.0 OS would have a stronger, more intense vibration, but alas... oh, um, just kidding, Apple.]

8. No wham bam thank you ma’aming! Remember: phone sex is still about a sexual connection. Unless you two are both only in it for the quick release, try to talk for at least a few minutes afterwards or take a breather and then call each other back. If you’re into phone sex as a way to build or maintain intimacy across the distance, it can be important that you each know this isn’t just about getting off, but is about finding a way to be together. Talking is often an important way to build intimacy, so try to pay attention to that aspect of your phone sex, too.

Related:

To read the MSP version of how to use the penis thrust counter (i.e., cock ring) for fun sex games, CLICK HERE.
To learn more about using high tech sex toys for fun alone or with a partner, pre-order my new book Because It Feels Good.

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at www.sexualhealth.indiana.edu.