What a Fashion Publicist Can Teach You About Sex

In an effort to not forget some of the wise advice I’ve read over the past year, I’ve recently been rereading certain chapters of books I’ve flagged on my bookshelf. (Side note: Never borrow a book from me; they’re all marked up with pen and flagged with neon Post-it notes.)

Getting to the point: I was rereading Kelly Cutrone’s book, Normal Gets You Nowhere, and forgot how completely fantastic (not to mention hysterical!) her second chapter is.

The title? “THE KELLA-SUTRA: If You’re Not Getting Fucked by Midnight, Go Home.”

Sure, the title comes across as a bit aggressive. But within the chapter, Cutrone gives sound advice about sex education, being honest with yourself (and your partner) when it comes to what you want, and creating the sex life that you yearn for.

I won’t spoil how the chapter opens, but after a few incredibly witty anecdotes, Cutrone proceeds to explain the Kella-Sutra: A Guide to Stabbing Sexual Taboos. Her 10 “parts,” so to speak, are as follows:

  1. If you don’t know yourself and what you want, then you have no business being in bed with someone else.

  2. Do not be in places where you don’t want to be, especially in states of intoxication.

  3. The whole wait-two-days-before-you-call thing is a bunch of bullshit.

  4. If it’s happening at the zoo, it could or should be happening for you.

  5. Do not pretend things are happening for you if they are not.

  6. Take no prisoners; and if you do, make sure you untie them in the morning, so they can go to work and make money.

  7. Lovemaking does not always have to involve a penis and a vagina (or two penises or two vaginas).

  8. If you’re not getting fucked by midnight, go home.

  9. If you’re sleeping with a married man, you’re helping him stay married.

  10. Just because you’re great lovers doesn’t mean you’re going to live happily ever after. 

Obviously it’s difficult to get the full effect unless you read the text that accompanies each bullet point. But the statement above in bold really resonated with me because they focus on learning to speak up for yourself (1), putting an end to faking orgasms (5), valuing sensuality (7), as well as learning the importance of compatibility in a relationship (10).

Her writing is honest, she’s very sex positive, and I really admire her if-you’re-not-true-to-yourself-you’ll-never-grow outlook. My main point? If you’re in the market for some summer reading material, give it a shot. (And if you’ve already read her material, let me know what you think of it in the comments!)

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About Madeline Haller

Madeline Haller

Madeline Haller is an Assistant Editor for MensHealth.com. Haller received her bachelor's degree in journalism from Indiana University, with a second concentration in gender studies. When she's not writing for MSP/MH, you can find her running, enjoying a cup of coffee, or searching for the perfect shade of red lipstick.