In light of the recent Steubenville rape trial, there has been a flurry of internet activity discussing rape culture, consent, and the role of social media. This is great, since the silence and shame surrounded sexual assault must be combated with open communication and social analysis. However, I’d like to make a precise point here: in order to prevent rape and sexual assault, we – ALL of us – must talk about sex. This Polyamorous Misanthrope post on teaching your sons about consent is a wonderful step in the right direction: it involves a clear, honest, direction conversation that defines consent and goes through a number of sample situations where consent might or might not be possible. The topic of that conversation is implicitly sex… Continue Reading →
Documenting Domestic Violence
What would you do if you were a journalist just there to take pictures of a family, and a scene of domestic violence erupted right in front of you? Sara Naomi Lewkowicz chose to continue taking pictures and thus document what was happening, in part because she feared that intervening would escalate the violence. Fair warning: the pictures linked to in the article are violent and potentially triggering. But with the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) so recently up for renewal, it’s important to remind people that domestic violence is incredibly pervasive, and the people facing it should have access to resources to help them. Continue Reading →
Act Less Gay For A Better Life?
An article I read recently hit a nerve. Apparently some teachers are telling kids that are being bullied that they need to act less gay. While this article is from England, I think that it is applicable for almost anywhere. The article from the London Evening Standard acknowledges that some children are teased for their sexuality, and I not only see this happen in college environments daily, but also witnessed it in my junior high and high school. A friend of mine actually started an organization, Write Your Principal, partially due to the bullying that LGBTQIQ students have had to face and also due to her own experiences. Continue Reading →
What Do You Do to Make Sex Normal?
In response to a pretty tough 2012 election season in which I felt depressingly and repeatedly reminded how little information and comfort there is about sexuality and reproductive health issues, I kept wondering what I could do. It hit me that sex is so compartmentalized that it’s often difficult for people to talk about sex in the regular everyday ways we talk about driver’s safety, hand washing, love, and other issues related to health and humanity. A phrase kept coming to me, which is that we need to “Make Sex Normal”, a project I’ve recently launched at http://www.MakeSexNormal.tumblr.com
I hope that you will consider sharing what *you* are doing to Make Sex Normal – and by “sex”, I’m referring to the big umbrella of things like sex, gender, reproduction, puberty, genitals, etc. My hope is that the more people can learn about concrete, everyday ways that they can make sex normal, then sex will just become normal and something we can talk and teach about. How can you participate? Continue Reading →
Some Thoughts On Harassment And Consent
How to deal with harassment – street harassment like catcalls, as well as persistent attempts to flirt – is an ongoing topic in feminist circles (as it should be). There are frequently misunderstandings, however, about what harassment actually means, and why it’s considered a big deal. This Brute Reason post lays out a lot of reasons why the men who say “But I’d love that kind of/that much attention!” aren’t actually talking about street harassment. They fail to understand that harassment is, by its nature, unwanted attention. Continue Reading →
Daily Sexual Violence, In India And America
The rape and murder of Jyothi Singh Pandey in New Delhi brought the world’s attention to the problem of sexual violence in India, with many calling for police reforms as well as culture-wide changes. And it is a culture-wide problem: as this article in The Atlantic demonstrates, there are a host of subtle cultural oppressions, which add up to “ongoing attacks on women, be they decisions to feed them last, marry them as teenagers, skimp on their medical care, or gang rape them on a bus.” But then read this piece, which focuses on the sexual violence American women face. With our rape rates - there is a reported rape every 6.2 minutes, and one in five women will be raped in her lifetime – we also have an epidemic of ongoing attacks on women. Sexual violence is not an isolated phenomenon, and it’s not something our modernized culture has stamped out: it is systemic oppression. Continue Reading →
Lubricant vs. Vaginal Moisturizer: What’s the Difference?
Because someone asked me yesterday (and I often forget that many people don’t receive this kind of information from doctors, nurses, family, or friends):
Lubricants are typically for use during various types of sex (e.g., masturbation alone, partnered masturbation, hand jobs, sex toy play, vaginal intercourse, and most definitely anal intercourse). Women and men of diverse ages use lubricant during sexual activities. Think of lube as something one uses “in the moment” (e.g., during sexual activities). Lube is widely available in drug stores, retail chains, adult bookstores, and online. Vaginal moisturizers are more about keeping the vagina moist and pliable even when not “in use” for sex. Continue Reading →
How I Became a Sex Educator: Lessons from My Mom
Most sex educators I know are constantly being asked why they go into the work they do. Fair enough, I think, since it’s a bit surprising when people learn that someone’s chosen to spend their days talking about a subject that most people find uncomfortable. I think it’s exactly that discomfort that inspires many sex educators to pursue their field. Sex is a near-universal human experience, yet it’s clouded by cultural shame, embarrassment, and mis-information. The light bulb moments that can occur as the result of actually talking about sex are powerful (and sometimes even healing). Continue Reading →
Having The ‘What Are We?” Talk: Friends Who Have Sex? Dating? Relationship?
Liking/loving other people has always been tricky; this isn’t specific to modern times, online dating, hookup culture, or texting. Earlier this week I was being interviewed by a woman in her 50s for a book. She asked me about friends with benefits and I relayed a conversation I once had with a certain feminist icon who, years ago, had said to me how silly it was that the media framed friends with benefits as anything new. “We were having sex with our friends in the ‘60s and 70s!”, she said to me. “We just didn’t call it that.” The interviewer left “interviewer mode” for a moment and laughed, telling me just how true that was of her experience, too. Continue Reading →
The 501 Day Date
Would you want to spend 501 together with your sweetie? Most couples spend lots of time together, but how often do you even spend seven days completely together? According to an article on CNET, a “wealthy space tourist” is hoping to send a man and woman couple (what if there was an equally prepared gay couple?) on a 501 day trip to Mars. The flight is described as “bare bones” so don’t expect a mint on your pillow each night, if you’re considering applying. Author Homer Hickham, is quoted in the article as stating, “A married couple in a bathroom for 501 days? Continue Reading →