What Do You Do to Make Sex Normal?

By: |

In response to a pretty tough 2012 election season in which I felt depressingly and repeatedly reminded how little information and comfort there is about sexuality and reproductive health issues, I kept wondering what I could do. It hit me that sex is so compartmentalized that it’s often difficult for people to talk about sex in the regular everyday ways we talk about driver’s safety, hand washing, love, and other issues related to health and humanity. A phrase kept coming to me, which is that we need to “Make Sex Normal”, a project I’ve recently launched at http://www.MakeSexNormal.tumblr.com

I hope that you will consider sharing what *you* are doing to Make Sex Normal – and by “sex”, I’m referring to the big umbrella of things like sex, gender, reproduction, puberty, genitals, etc. My hope is that the more people can learn about concrete, everyday ways that they can make sex normal, then sex will just become normal and something we can talk and teach about. How can you participate? Continue Reading →

Some Thoughts On Harassment And Consent

By: |

How to deal with harassment – street harassment like catcalls, as well as persistent attempts to flirt – is an ongoing topic in feminist circles (as it should be). There are frequently misunderstandings, however, about what harassment actually means, and why it’s considered a big deal. This Brute Reason post lays out a lot of reasons why the men who say “But I’d love that kind of/that much attention!” aren’t actually talking about street harassment. They fail to understand that harassment is, by its nature, unwanted attention. Continue Reading →

Filed under: Communication, Gender Issues, Consent, harassment, privilege

Daily Sexual Violence, In India And America

By: |

The rape and murder of Jyothi Singh Pandey in New Delhi brought the world’s attention to the problem of sexual violence in India, with many calling for police reforms as well as culture-wide changes. And it is a culture-wide problem: as this article in The Atlantic demonstrates, there are a host of subtle cultural oppressions, which add up to “ongoing attacks on women, be they decisions to feed them last, marry them as teenagers, skimp on their medical care, or gang rape them on a bus.” But then read this piece, which focuses on the sexual violence American women face. With our rape rates -  there is a reported rape every 6.2 minutes, and one in five women will be raped in her lifetime – we also have an epidemic of ongoing attacks on women. Sexual violence is not an isolated phenomenon, and it’s not something our modernized culture has stamped out: it is systemic oppression. Continue Reading →

Filed under: Gender Issues, Sexual Assault & Rape, Women's Sexual Health, america, india

Lubricant vs. Vaginal Moisturizer: What’s the Difference?

By: |

Because someone asked me yesterday (and I often forget that many people don’t receive this kind of information from doctors, nurses, family, or friends):

Lubricants are typically for use during various types of sex (e.g., masturbation alone, partnered masturbation, hand jobs, sex toy play, vaginal intercourse, and most definitely anal intercourse). Women and men of diverse ages use lubricant during sexual activities. Think of lube as something one uses “in the moment” (e.g., during sexual activities). Lube is widely available in drug stores, retail chains, adult bookstores, and online. Vaginal moisturizers are more about keeping the vagina moist and pliable even when not “in use” for sex. Continue Reading →

Filed under: Sexual Health

How I Became a Sex Educator: Lessons from My Mom

By: |

Most sex educators I know are constantly being asked why they go into the work they do. Fair enough, I think, since it’s a bit surprising when people learn that someone’s chosen to spend their days talking about a subject that most people find uncomfortable. I think it’s exactly that discomfort that inspires many sex educators to pursue their field. Sex is a near-universal human experience, yet it’s clouded by cultural shame, embarrassment, and mis-information. The light bulb moments that can occur as the result of actually talking about sex are powerful (and sometimes even healing). Continue Reading →

Filed under: Communication, Sexual Health

Having The ‘What Are We?” Talk: Friends Who Have Sex? Dating? Relationship?

By: |

Liking/loving other people has always been tricky; this isn’t specific to modern times, online dating, hookup culture, or texting. Earlier this week I was being interviewed by a woman in her 50s for a book. She asked me about friends with benefits and I relayed a conversation I once had with a certain feminist icon who, years ago, had said to me how silly it was that the media framed friends with benefits as anything new. “We were having sex with our friends in the ‘60s and 70s!”, she said to me. “We just didn’t call it that.” The interviewer left “interviewer mode” for a moment and laughed, telling me just how true that was of her experience, too. Continue Reading →

Filed under: Love & Relationships

The 501 Day Date

By: |

Would you want to spend 501 together with your sweetie? Most couples spend lots of time together, but how often do you even spend seven days completely together? According to an article on CNET, a “wealthy space tourist” is hoping to send a man and woman couple (what if there was an equally prepared gay couple?) on a 501 day trip to Mars. The flight is described as “bare bones” so don’t expect a mint on your pillow each night, if you’re considering applying. Author Homer Hickham, is quoted in the article as stating, “A married couple in a bathroom for 501 days? Continue Reading →

Filed under: Love & Relationships

Experiencing Gender Differences In Spatial/Visual Abilities

By: |

We’ve all heard it before: boys are better at math and spatial reasoning, girls are better at relational thinking and language skills. There’s always more to the story than that, however. The fact that scientists and scholars are still trying to disentangle cultural conditioning from biology means that these concepts must be treated with nuance and approached skeptically until empirical evidence is brought forward to clarify them. But what’s a feminist scholar to do when life experiences rub these supposed gender differences in her face? Over dinner with my partner once, we were playing a spatial reasoning game (Pentago, for those who want to check it out – it’s actually a pretty fun game, when I’m not constantly losing). Continue Reading →

Filed under: Fashion, Gender Issues, Academia, clothing, gender differences

Mandatory Name Changes For Married Women?

By: |

According to a new survey of American opinions, 70% of the respondents thought that women should take their husbands’ last names. And 50% thought that this should be a legal requirement! According to the study’s lead author, Laura Hamilton, this figure was surprising because so many Americans don’t seem to want the government interfering in their home lives: “Americans don’t want much government intervention in family life, so for 50 percent of Americans to feel this way was interesting.” Click the link above for more information on and interpretation of this study. How do you feel about making the name change mandatory? Continue Reading →

Filed under: Love & Relationships, Marriage, names

Be A Woman, Join The Gun Debate – Get Sexually Harassed!

By: |

The (female) co-editor of Mother Jones, Clara Jeffrey, tweeted about the death of a skilled American sniper who had recently been murdered at a gun range. She wasn’t mocking him or his death, but rather stating that if even a talented shooter couldn’t stop a determined gun attack, maybe we should keep discussing the gun laws in our country. The outpouring of sexual harassment on Twitter was prompt and vicious. Among gender-neutral insults like scumbag and worthless ass, she was called a whore, bitch, slut, and other derogatory names. I’m really disappointed by how unsurprising it is that women who share their opinions on the internet can expect to receive that kind of harassment pretty regularly. Continue Reading →

Filed under: Politics, guns, Sexual Harassment, violence