Q&A: Making Time For Sex

Our busy schedules are putting a damper on our sex lives.  How do we make it work?

Sex cannot always be “the” priority but if you want to keep the passion alive, you have to make it “a” priority. Building your career is an important and worthy goal. Not only does work bring home a paycheck but it also likely helps you both to feel challenged and intellectually stimulated. That said, sex and your relationship need to be important too.

When couples first get together, they don’t need to prioritize sex because their hormones are rushing with the first blush of love or lust. As people stay together longer, however, sex becomes one of many things couples do together. And often, it becomes something that couples have to make room for.

What’s a typical week like for you? Is there one evening or an entire day each week that you can set aside together? Try to think not only in terms of scheduling sex but in terms of scheduling time together to watch a movie, exercise together, cook or read out loud to each other. Sex thrives on intimacy and connection. If all you ever do is schedule 15 minutes for a quick romp, that’s going to get old quickly. If you can create a balance of quickies and long leisurely afternoons or evenings spent enjoying each other’s company – and yes, ending up in bed or on the sofa – that will likely be more satisfying in the long run for each of you.

[Originally published in a January 2010 guest column I wrote for The Nest]

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at www.sexualhealth.indiana.edu.

  • David

    I have to add something to 'watching a movie' together theory. Watching something romantic / sexy will make you want to have sex. Watching heavy drama where everyone comes to a miserable end (such as Crossing Over with Harrison Ford) will make you not even want to touch each other.