Miscommunication can happen in a variety of contexts. Since I moved outside my native California, cross-cultural miscommunication has occurred on a pretty regular basis. For example, one of my Aussie friends was terribly amused when I asked what football team I should “root” for (“root” means “have sex with” in Aussie slang). But even within the same culture and language, miscommunication regularly happens in relationships.
When my husband and I moved in together, we, like many newly-cohabitating couples, had a fair bit of conflict about household chores. I’d be annoyed that he wasn’t “cleaning” enough, and he’d be totally confused since I was the one not “cleaning” enough. This went on for months until one of us said, “Wait. What do you mean by ‘cleaning?’” It turned out that we were talking about separate things. I was irritated that he didn’t wipe the counter after doing dishes, and he was irked that I left my books all over the living room. I’ve often thought, in my nerdier moments, how many relationship problems would be solved with a Vulcan mind-meld.
But back to Earth cultures. The French have two common words for “to clean”: “nettoyer” and “ranger.” “Ranger” refers to the my-husband-type of clean – tidying or de-cluttering. “Nettoyer” is my type of clean – sanitizing kitchen surfaces or getting mold off the shower. It’s fascinating to me how the same word can have two different meanings to two people from similar backgrounds, and I think about how much more harmonious we would have been if we had this epiphany sooner. Perhaps French really is the language of love. Or Vulcan. Whatever.
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