Vampire Sex Toys

I know it’s still a while before the next Twilight movie comes out (November 18th, 2011, <as if you didn’t know>), but it seems like vampires have become a ingrained part of our cultural zeitgeist.  The logical next step, of course, is to bring them into our bedrooms.

One needs to be careful here, or injuries could happen (see this post from Michaela for a cautionary tale).  However, one of the safer ways to bring the bite into the bedroom is through toys.  Here are two sex toys that, depending on your proclivities, you want to either purchase before the next full moon or avoid like a rabid werewolf.


Available here.  This wonderful dildo has everything you need to pretend that you’re having sex with a creature of the night.  First, it’s long, smooth, and oh-so-pale, which means that you can bask in its pallor while it’s getting you off.  Second, you can put it in the freezer for that authentic cold feeling you get from a vampire’s sexy caress.  Finally, it has a hidden feature that brings an enhanced vampire experience.  Put it in the sunlight, what does it do?  It SPARKLES.

FLESHJACK Count Cockula

link (NSFW)

For those of us with a penchant for penetration, Fleshjack makes a version of their popular male masturbator with an added twist – vampire fangs.  You’d think teeth would be the last thing you’re looking for when it comes to something into which you put your fleshy bits, but if you’re into the vamps, you’ll be down for the Count.

Learn about MSP posts as they happen by following us on Twitter@mysexprofessor. You can also follow Craig VanKempen, the author of this post, @craigvk.

Photo courtesy of Chris Denbow and Flickr Creative Commons

About Craig VanKempen

Craig VanKempen

Craig VanKempen, LLMSW/MPH, is a sex educator and therapist practicing in the Detroit/Ann Arbor area. His professional interests include HIV, polyamory, compulsive sexual behavior, religion and sexuality, and GLBT issues.