Treat Yourself for Better Sex

When it comes to good sex, we often consider how to please our partner but not ourselves. Or we think only about the sexual act, such as how to hone our oral sex techniques or how to master a new sex position. However, good sex starts long before people gets naked. It starts in our minds and in our fantasy life and in how we feel about our bodies or even our hair.

This week, try to do one thing that will help you feel better about your sexuality. Consider, for example, whether it would enhance your feelings about your body or your sex life if you treated yourself to:

-          A new piece of lingerie. Racy vixen not your thing? Check out Anthropologie’s slips or satiny panties. Prefer old school Hollywood starlet or grande dame looks? Stop by a vintage shop for something sexy.

-          A massage. Having your body touched and stroked and generally relaxed can help people feel in a sexier state of mind. Aromatherapy scents like lavender or vanilla may be nice, too.

-          Music! Spend 20 minutes browsing songs that stoke your inner sex kitten fires or that help you to feel dominant and in charge, or sweet and seductive. A little Maxwell can be good for the soul.

-          An hour alone. Sometimes our sex lives are ruined not by poor technique but by stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed by life. Take an hour off and hang out on the sofa, walk along the lake or in the woods, read a book (for pleasure, not work) or window shop. You may wind up feeling rejuvenated and in a better head space for sex.

-          Watch an old movie. There’s something to be said for old school Hollywood glamour and the sexiness of it all. Why not spend an hour or two learning a seductive phrase or look from the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Rock Hudson, Ava Gardner, Clark Gable, Bette Davis Cary Grant, or Mae West?

-          Revamped lighting. Fluorescent lighting not helping your mojo? Consider picking up a new lamp (or lampshade) that casts your bedroom light in a warmer, more flattering glow.

With a little imagination, you can treat yourself in a way that helps you to feel confident, sexy and in the mood for pleasure, whether that pleasure is private or shared with a partner.

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at www.sexualhealth.indiana.edu.

  • TheSpecialLadyFriend

    Thanks for the suggestions, Debby. I especially like the old movies suggestion; you can’t get sexier than Bogie, in my opinion.
    I also just wanted to say that I like the weekly poll, which has been a monthly poll, and was wondering if you had anymore interesting questions to pose to us readers. I find the results fascinating. Thanks, and keep up the great work!

  • TheSpecialLadyFriend

    Thanks for the suggestions, Debby. I especially like the old movies suggestion; you can’t get sexier than Bogie, in my opinion.
    I also just wanted to say that I like the weekly poll, which has been a monthly poll, and was wondering if you had anymore interesting questions to pose to us readers. I find the results fascinating. Thanks, and keep up the great work!