Strap-On Sex Shouldn’t Hurt!

My friends always come to me first with their sex questions- which is both welcomed and appreciated. During a recent car ride, a few of them got to talking about strap-on sex.

“Oh yeah, it’s so great, I can’t believe you’ve never done it!”

“I don’t know, it kind of creeps me out.”

“Really? The one time I tried it, it really, really hurt.”

This is when I had to interject. Sex should never hurt, and when it does, it probably means something’s up. Sex with a strap-on, however, is different from penile-vaginal intercourse, and so my set of inquiries changed a bit. I figured if my friends were grappling with this issue, it was fair to assume that at least one MSP reader had also dealt with this problem, so it was worth a post.

So, here are a few reasons why strap-on sex might hurt, and how to remedy that discomfort.

Reason #1: Lubrication! Many people are able to rely on nature’s own lubrication to provide comfort during sex, but others need assistance. There’s no need to be embarrassed about needing lube- in fact, you can make it part of your sexy routine. If you’re on the receiving end, try lubing up your partner’s new extremity as part of your foreplay. Make sure that you don’t use a silicone-based lube with a silicone strap on! Some of my favorite lubes, all from Good Vibrations, are Blossom Organics Natural Lubricant (water-based), Please Cream Lubricant (water-based, with a very small amount of silicone, though not enough to be harmful to silicone toys), and Liquid Silk (water-based, with that same small amount of silicone, plus it’s vegan).

Reason #2: You’re using the wrong strap-on. Dildos come in all shapes and sizes, and it’s very possible that some are too big, or improperly shaped, for your own comfort. See the difference in size and shape between the pictures below. The dildos on the right are longer, and curved only at the tip, while the ones on the left are a bit shorter and have a lower curve. dildo2

Of course, it’s tough to know what kind of dildo will work for you until you try one. If you’ve had some experience with sex toys, you may have an idea of the size/style toy that fits best with your body’s natural shape. If not, I recommend starting small. I really like the Silk Silicone Dildo, just because it comes in three different sizes.

 

Reason #3: Your harness doesn’t fit. Proper fit is important not only for the receiving partner, but for the one wearing the strap-on, as well. If the harness is too loose, it creates unwanted friction and slippage. If the harness is too tight, it causes pain and discomfort for the wearer. Babeland offers an awesome article about how to choose a strap on, and you can also check out my post about harnesses.

Reason #4:  Positioning! Missionary, although seemingly the most obvious position, can often be the most uncomfortable. A great way to start is with the receiving partner on top- that way they have a bit more control, and can make small adjustments if the sex becomes painful.

Reason #5: There may be something more serious going on. Pain during sex is most likely a result of something small that needs to be adjusted, but it’s important to note that it could be the result of a bigger medical issue, such as vulvodynia, an infection, or an STI. If your pain is persistent and not resolved by any of the above remedies, it’s probably time to call your gynecologist or primary care provider.

Remember, strap-on sex, like any other kind of sex, takes practice! It often won’t be great the first time, but with a little work and some minor tweaking, it could turn into something amazing.

All images in this post courtesy of www.goodvibrations.com.

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About Michaela

Michaela

Michaela is a recent Seven Sisters graduate with a self-designed degree in Sexuality Studies. When she's not blogging, you'll find her teaching Health and Wellness and A Cappella to high school students, helping women find properly fitting bras, and working as an editor on a documentary. She hopes to continue her education one day with a PhD in Feminist Anthropology.

  • TheSpecialLadyFriend

    If you really want to use silicone lubricant, since it is often slicker and longer-lasting, you can still use a silicone toy as long as it is medical-grade platinum silicone. I refer people to look up Metis Black, the president of Tantus Inc., for a good education on when it is safe to use silicone lubricant. Also, her Tantus dildos come in a variety of shapes and sizes, are medical-grade silicone, and a great option if you’re looking for a strap-on accessory.