Sexual Fantasies Aren’t Always About Sex

sexual fantasies to enhance your sex life

When many people think about sexual fantasies, they think of fantasies involving sex. Perhaps because the phrase goes like this: “sexual.. fantasies”. (Duh).

But is it a duh moment really? Or is there room for sexual fantasies that aren’t quite about the act of putting Part A into Part B, C or D?

Maybe not all sexual fantasies are about :

- meeting a stranger on an airplane and joining the Mile High Club together
- performing oral sex on your office mate while they fumble through a business call or email
- group sex (filmed or not)
- sex in the kitchen pantry while the kids are busy watching a movie in the family room
- going down on your partner on a hotel balcony, then coming inside for hours of sex play, talking and drinking wine, then more sex play

Maybe some sexual fantasies are about just being together embracing your mutual attraction and the sexual tension between the two of you. How often, for example, have you felt sexually aroused by:

- Imagining yourself laying in bed with someone, with your clothes entirely or partially on, taking in a lazy day or evening, kissing every now and then, and listening to music
- Daydreaming about cooking dinner together then feeling your partner’s hand on the small of your back, being kissed on your neck or kissing them on the lips as you embrace, feeling the texture and curves of each other’s bodies
- Thinking about laying in a park together, your head resting on his lap or chest or her feet in your lap, as you massage them. You watch the ducks eat breadcrumbs scattered by a child or read poetry or literature as the last light fades.
- Imagining sitting side by side on the sofa (or both of you in bed) lazily playing on your laptops and occasionally turning to the other for a kiss

Given that most men and women say that their most pleasurable, satisfying sexual experiences have occurred within the context of relationships – and not just sex with someone they don’t know well – it stands to reason that our fantasies could benefit from an expanded view as well.

Too often when I read articles about sexual fantasies, the fantasies that are described are only about the sex acts themselves as if that’s all there is to sex. In reality, many of us enjoy the greater context of sex, imagining how it is that two people start out with their clothes on, just going about their days, and yet because of the passions and stirrings inside of them – inside both of them (how magical that our bodies and eyes can communicate this to each other!) – they eventually end up with fewer clothes on, maybe even no clothes on, in bed and in each other’s arms.

As you work to enhance your sex life, consider the ways that expanding your experience of sexual fantasy- whether during daydreams, masturbation or sex with a partner- may add pleasure to your everyday moments. You  never know what may be around the corner.

Related MSP Posts:
- Love, sex and music: how technology has changed the way we do it
- How to have amazing hotel sex
- Foreplay tips to arouse her: women and sex

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at www.sexualhealth.indiana.edu.