Sex Toy Shopping Tip #4: Sex toys you can use with a partner


This article is Part 4 of a four-part series related to shopping for sex toys, such as vibrators. Make sure to read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 as well.

Tip #4: Consider your partner.

Not everyone who is interested in sex toys has a partner. And not everyone who has a partner, and who is interested in sex toys, wants to use their sex toy with their partner. But let’s say that you do. Then what? How to best choose a sex toy that could possibly work during partnered sex? Try these tips on for size:

- Avoid intimidating toys. Ladies, that means steering clear of 12 inch dildos unless you want to make him feel as though he can never be enough for you. And gentlemen, you may want to ditch the masturbation sleeves that are molded in the shape of your favorite porn star’s hoo-ha. Sex toys are meant to enhance partnered sex; not to make partners second guess if their most private parts are the right size or shape to do the job.

- Look for toys that scream “partnered sex”! Though any toy could presumably be used together, even if “together” refers to one partner using the toy while the other person watches, some toys are more inviting or seem more intuitive for couple play, such as vibrating c-rings (which stimulate a woman’s clitoris and a man’s penis at the same time) or the We-Vibe which can be used by couples of any gender combination (e.g., male-female, two men, two women).

- Shop for couples toys that you’ve talked about. Springing a sex toy on your partner without notice (especially in the middle of sex, as you reach for the nightstand drawer…) can be scary for some men and women. Try talking about couples toys before buying them to make sure that your partner is as into them (potentially) as you are. Bonus points if you shop together, in person or online, and discuss ideas for ways that you could comfortably, pleasurably, and maybe even orgasmically use the toy(s) together. You can learn more about sex toys, lubricants and other ways to make sex more fun and pleasurable in my new book Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure & Satisfaction (save money by pre-ordering your copy on Amazon).

Related MSP Posts:
- Oral Sex Tip: Decide You Like It
- Oral Sex Techniques and Games for Couples: Flavored Body Sugar
- Playing with Men’s Testicles: Fun Sex Games
How to Perform Oral Sex Without Gagging
- How to Have Sex in the Shower (Comfortably)
- Hummingbird Sex Position

[Originally published in my weekly column at]

[Photo by Alexandra Roberts, via Flickr photostream.]

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at