Back before the Snuggie craze took off, I was a Slanket girl, thanks to a Valentine’s Day gift a few years ago. Regular MSP readers may even remember that I suggested the Slanket as a holiday gift this past year, and later found out that quite a few MSP readers were inspired by the idea and asked their significant others for one or surprised their partner with this amazing bundle of warmth.
A fantastic Gizmodo post about the “ultimate battle” between the competing blankets-with-sleeves (slankets, snuggies, freedom blankets and blankoats) got me thinking, though. Though comfort and ease of use while sitting on one’s laptop or eating snacks is one way to judge a blanket with sleeves, there are other uses one might want to consider, such as sex, whether that’s partner sex or masturbation. After all, why not combine forces (sex + blanket) to warm up during winter’s coldest months?
Now, I don’t have the other blankets – as I said, I’m a Slanket girl – but here’s what I can tell you based on Gizmodo’s descriptions of the others:
1) The Slanket is soft – it feels very much like a fleece blanket – and would likely be comfortable during sex. The Snuggie, on the other hand, was compared to a “papery hospital gown” by Jason on Gizmodo. That probably would get in the way of many people’s sexual pleasure unless they were role-playing doctor-patient or nurse-patient situations, in which case the Snuggie might have a leg up on the competition.
2) The Slanket is also machine-washable, so any sex fluids (ejaculate, vaginal fluids, water or silicone based lubricant, or even flavored lubricant) could likely be washed out with ease in a washing machine. The Blankoat, on the other hand, appears to be made of wool or something that feels like wool (again, judging by Gizmodo’s description). Who wants to have scratchy sex? Ick. Unless I guess you want to feel like you are doing some serious animal role-playing. Even so, who wants to have sex that comes with stains that can’t be easily washed out?
3) Ease of use: If both people are quite short, the Snuggie might be fine size-wise but, again, the comfort issue would probably get in the way. Even though the Slanket is quite large (at 95 inches, it is massive on my nearly 5’6″ frame), there’s certainly room for two in there. Or three, if that’s your thing. The Freedom Blanket appears to be a mid-sized model and may be just fine for a couple. Any of the three would be fine for masturbation as long as you can access the parts that you need to.
4) Speaking of masturbation, the nice thing about each of these is that one can be on their laptop with one hand while staying warm, and keep the other arm warm by slipping it underneath your blanket-with-sleeves. Your genitals will also still be warm, thus facilitating erections or vaginal lubrication, depending on what type of private parts you’ve got going on down there.
5) Finally, you can even have phone sex while in your Slanket or other blanket with sleeves – and STILL be able to keep your arms warm thanks to the sleeve capacity of these textile gadgets. In this category, I suppose any of the options is doable (see the iPhone 3.0 OS sex guide on MSP or Gizmodo for tips).
My verdict? The Slanket still wins hands – and sex parts – down.