Q&A: Why Does He Let The Dog Watch Us Having Sex?

I get mad because my partner wants to let the dog stay in the room during sex.  He minds his own business, but still!

There’s a difference between him being okay that the dog is in the room during sex and actually wanting the dog to be in the room during sex. I’m assuming he’s just cool with it, right? I mean, he doesn’t actually go and get the dog and bring him or her into the room when you have sex, right? Because that’s a whole separate issue.

If you two start having sex and you want the dog out but he says “oh, let him stay, it’s no big deal” – but it is a big deal to you – then speak up. Tell him that it’s too distracting for you to have the dog in the room and it makes it more difficult to orgasm. That, by the way, is backed up by science! Here’s how:

Women – more so than men – are prone to what we call “cognitive distractions” during sex. That’s a fancy, scientific way of saying that women are more likely to think about the laundry, a work presentation, a family issue, paying bills or whether the stove is off when they should be thinking about how your two bodies fit together and how good he smells and all that yummy stuff. A dog in the room does not help the situation.

Most men want to please their partners. They want them to like sex, to want sex and – yes- to enjoy or even orgasm from some type of sex. So if you say that, as odd as it might sound, the dog gets in the way of your pleasure and orgasm potential, my guess is that Fido will soon learn to chew his rawhide on the other side of the bedroom door and your partner and you will be glad for it.

[Originally published in a January 2010 guest column I wrote for The Nest]

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at www.sexualhealth.indiana.edu.

  • David

    Thank you so much for the good laugh that I got reading “he doesn’t actually go and get the dog and bring him or her into the room when you have sex”. Just imagining someone doing that is hilarious.