Q&A: Our Sex Life Is Boring. How Can We Fix This?

Our sex life is pretty boring. How do I spice things up without freaking him out?

There are numerous ways to spice up a sex life. If you’re looking for physical variation, consider slight modifications to old standby sex positions. In my new sex book, Because It Feels Good, I describe several ways to modify missionary – including one modification called the coital alignment technique that is one of the few well-researched sex positions (it’s been found to make it easier for some women to orgasm). Woman on Top can also be modified in many different ways – such as the squatting version – that can make for more exciting, pleasurable sex for both of you.

Sex toys are another option. More than half of women in the United States, ages 18 to 60, have used a vibrator. I like the We-Vibe couples vibrator which can be worn during intercourse though there are tons of different toys that can spice up a bland sex routine. So can dress up costumes (check out 3wishes.com for ideas) and role playing.

That said, sometimes a couple is best helped out of a sex rut by allowing themselves to be more vulnerable during sex. How often do you look into each others’ eyes when you make love? Or let’s back up for a moment – how often would you say you “make love” and not just “have sex”? If you can find a way to connect on a deeper level, you may find that sex starts to feel new, exciting and pleasurable on a whole different level. And that’s nothing that’s likely to freak him out.

[Originally published in a January 2010 guest column I wrote for The Nest.]

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at www.sexualhealth.indiana.edu.