Indulge Your Sexually Adventurous Side

As 2010 starts kicking into Real Gear (you know, that time when you have to admit the new year has actually already begun and normal life – and school or work – resumes), let’s keep focusing on what you can do to have a more pleasurable sex life this year and for many years afterwards.

Sometimes, sex gets stale either because people feel a little awkward or embarrassed about sex. Other times sex gets stale because a couple finds something that works well and so they keep doing it and doing it and doing it and then, um, it kind of starts to suck. (And not the good kind of oral sex sucking.).

What to do? Check back in with your adventurous side. What might you explore that would be new and different and breathe new life into your masturbation or partnered sex life? Consider, for example:

-       Trying out a new sex toy. Have you seen the oral sex-ish Sqweel and its rotating tongues? The We-Vibe which you can wear inside your vagina (seriously) during intercourse or penetrative play? Or the Lelo Bo that fits over his penis and stimulates your clitoris at the same time?

-       Strip-tease. Explore your inner exotic dancer with classes at the S Factor, Carmen Electra’s Aerobic Striptease videos or by experimenting at home in front of a full length mirror, candles lit and anything but Miley Cyrus on (hey, I like Party in the USA as much as anyone but it doesn’t get my video for a striptease song, at least in part due to her age). When you’re feeling sexy and confident, indulge your partner or get him or her to join you!

-       Try a threesome. Okay, this isn’t for everyone but it is for some, so let’s not pretend the possibility doesn’t exist. A key to successful threesomes is to consider well in advance what is and is not okay with you and your primary partner, to choose a third partner that you’re comfortable with and who will respect your relationship boundaries, and to not do it totally under the influence of things that may make you stray outside of your pre-set boundaries. Should you decide to give it a whirl, check out Opening Up or The Ethical Slut for ideas and considerations.

-       Tweak your sex positions. As I wrote in Because It Feels Good, I firmly believe that some of the best sex comes not from totally new acrobatic sex positions (as fun as those can be, assuming adequate flexibility) but from slightly  modified versions of old standbys such as the coital alignment technique (modified from missionary) and woman squatting on top (modified from regular woman on top). Don’t have a partner? Change up your masturbation routine lest your clitoris be B.O.R.E.D. in the same old go-to masturbation position you’ve used since you were 13.

-       Role play. Whether you’re dressed up or not (for costumes, I like 3wishes.com as well as 1 out of every 5 shops on Halsted), role playing can help you step outside your normal safe, routine spaces and into the imaginary fantasy world of “what would Angelina do?” or “what would a sex worker do?” or “what would a prison guard do?” You get the picture. You get to experiment and explore and go out on a limb but still work within your (mostly) comfort zones.

Start the new decade off by playing, exploring and fantasizing in a new way at least once every week or two.  With enough practice sessions comes more all-around pleasurable sex.

[Originally published in my weekly sex column at Cheeky Chicago.]

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at www.sexualhealth.indiana.edu.

  • http://www.redregioninferno.com/theinferno/ Inferno

    I must be doing great.. got my lovely a new toy for Valentines, had a foursome (part of the time it was kinda a threesome) We always move around to get that best position of the night, and costumes are a once or twice a month deal with us!

    Now the strip tease… Honestly I dont have the confedence to play exotic dancer. Maybe another month or 2 at the gym first, lol