How to make oral sex better: Oral Sex Tip #1

Most Americans have had oral sex – and most (but not all) people like receiving it. But what about giving it? Attitudes vary dramatically. Some people only perform oral as a means of getting oral, or perhaps they do it solely to please their partner. Then there are those who crave oral sex so intensely (and with such pleasure) that the slightest thought of it means they can almost taste it.

However you feel about going down on a partner (or having a partner go down on you), rest assured: it can almost always be made even better. In this four-part series, we’ll look at 4 Tips for Yummifying Oral Sex (figuratively, mind you, as only one of these tips is about taste). That’s right: this is about making oral sex taste better, feel better and overall be more enjoyable for both the giver and the receiver.

Tip #1 for Yummifying Oral Sex: Decide that you like it.

Time and again, sex researchers have found that the brain truly is the most influential sex organ. Not feeling aroused? Tell yourself you are, and that you enjoy sex and find it easy to orgasm, and you just might find it easier to become aroused. Having sex and feeling into it and then suddenly a thought pops into your head that not only did you forget to call your grandmother back but you forgot to put your laundry in the dryer? Yeah, that’s the brain intruding on your pleasure and potential orgasm.

When it comes to oral sex, make it work for you rather than against you. If you want to learn to like performing oral sex on your partner, or to like it even more than you already do, try:
- Breathing slowly during oral sex. This relaxes the body and can make it easier to feel calm and open to pleasure.
- Talking to yourself (silently). Tell yourself things like “this feels so good”, “I like performing oral sex” or “it feels good to pleasure my partner in this way”. Maybe even “being this close and personal makes me feel excited/hot/wet.”
- Moaning. This follows the good ol’ “act as if” strategy. If you act as though oral sex is pleasurable – by doing the things that, to you, are how you exhibit your pleasure – you might find that, with practice, it actually becomes pleasurable.
- Giving yourself permission. Some women and men would like oral sex more if only they felt as though it were okay to do. Women, in particular, may find that their pleasure is blocked by worries about whether “good girls” perform oral sex on their partners or whether it is something only “dirty” or “slutty” women do. Try to challenge negative or critical thoughts about your sexuality, and explore how you might open yourself to pleasure.

At any point during a sexual experience, you can harness the powers of your mind to have a better, more enjoyable experience. Having “yummier” oral sex is just one of many sexual possibilities to be explored. Check back next week for Tip #2 for Yummifying Oral Sex.

[Originally published in my weekly sex column at]

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at