How to Make Love: Five Tips for Better Sex


In the past two weeks, I’ve written about two types of sex that MSP readers might want to try: Passionate Crazy Sex and Lazy Day in Bed Sex (tips for each were included in their respective posts). So what gets my vote this week? None other than Making Sweet Romance.

Although few young women and men mouth the term “make love” (at least publicly) without at least a little discomfort, the fact is that most women and men want to feel as though the physical act of sex is connected to an emotional experience of love. Okay, so this isn’t true every single time you have sex nor is it true with every partner, but certainly it’s something many of us crave here and there, right? As such, I hereby declare that everyone might consider – at least once in their lives – try making sweet romance with a partner to see how it feels.

This doesn’t mean you have to roll out the candles or that you should expect to come home and take off your Uggs to find rose petals sprinkled in a pathway to your bed of love. Rather, making love is about the connection between two people.

When you’re with a partner who you feel safe and okay about being vulnerable with, give it a go. Here’s how:

Spend eons of time in foreplay whether this involves bubble baths that result in very clean breasts or genitals (thanks to your or your partner’s attentive care) or trading massages;  just make sure that it involves holding each other’s attention in ways that feel good

Read love poems or love letters (from books, unless you’re creative, artsy and forthcoming enough to make your own) in bed by candlelight (trust me: the light from a faux aquarium light just doesn’t have the same zing)

- Ladies (or men with mops): Forget hiding behind your hair while on top; lean forward, look in your partner’s eyes and hold their gaze for a few seconds longer than you’d usually do (I am not recommending creepy stares, just connection)

- In missionary, rather than settle for having your or his head cradled in your partner’s neck, touch your partner’s cheek and guide their lips toward yours, then kiss slowly with feeling and with a sense of love

- In a version of rear entry that has you laying on your stomach and your partner laying on top, turn your head and use your hands to guide him to kissing you- again, like you mean it

In short, with a little care – and a good amount of attention – the chance to make sweet romance can be yours. And it is totally worth it in an intense, oh-my-gosh-did-we-just-experience-that that not even orgasms can always measure up to. Check back next week for my 4th and final installment of types of sex that I think everyone should consider trying.

This article was originally published in my weekly column at  Follow me on Twitter - I am @mysexprofessor

[Image by francescobros via Flickr Creative Commons.]

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About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at