How to have an orgasm during sex

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Question:
I’m 27 and never have I ever had an orgasm during sex – but it’s not for a lack of trying. What can I do?

Answer:
Many women haven’t had orgasms during intercourse and many, like you, wonder why. In my work as a sex researcher, educator and columnist, I have literally heard from thousands of women who –in the absence of orgasm – wonder if there is something wrong with them or their bodies.

What we don’t hear enough, however, is that what keeps women from having orgasms more often than not are feeling pressured and not having accurate information about one’s body. All too often, women and their partners have “goal oriented” sex focused on achieving a woman’s orgasm. While the effort is commendable, it’s also counterproductive.

Orgasms thrive in sex that’s more relaxed and less determined. Taking the perspective of sex as being about exploration, pleasure and finding out what feels good can go a long way toward orgasm – as can learning about your body. Many women require direct stimulation of the clitoris in order to orgasm. As the clitoris is not inside the vagina (it’s above the vagina, at about the 12 o’clock position), most acts of intercourse don’t get anywhere near this powerhouse of sensitive nerve endings. Without having the right information about what types of stimulation to ask for, many women are left wondering why they can’t orgasm.

Most women’s bodies are capable of orgasm. As such, my guess is that if you take the time to learn about your body, the wondrous ways of the clitoris and the types of sex that work best to stimulate the clitoris – such as oral sex, masturbation, using a couples vibrator such as Homme’s Bo Vibrating Cock Ring (one of my newest favorite sex toys or trying the coital alignment technique position – you’ll be on your way toward orgasm.

For more information about women’s orgasm and a few how-to tips and techniques, check out Becoming Orgasmic or my new book Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.

Related MSP Posts:
- Sex toys you can use with a partner
- Multiple orgasms for women and men: what you MUST know

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About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at www.sexualhealth.indiana.edu.