How to flirt: tips for even the most seasoned partners


Flirting is used in many different ways. At its most basic level, people may flirt with others in order to be able to get something they want: a discount, a better place in line, or free drinks. In the context of romance and sex, people flirt to signal their interest. A prolonged look across a crowded room can mean “I’m interested, come talk to me!” or it can pose a question, as in ”wanna have sex?”

While women and men spend a good deal of time flirting with each other when they are first meeting or first starting to date, flirting often decreases in long term relationships. Some people cannot even remember the last time that they and their partner flirted with each other, which is too bad because flirting can help people to feel young, sexy, attractive, hot, wanted or loved. Flirting teaches us that we are important and desired. It gives us attention and inspires thoughts of desire. When people stop flirting, they may soon notice that their desire or arousal are impaired, or that there is generally less excitement in their sexual or romantic lives.

Flirting can be a gentle invitation for a conversation or a kiss. Then again, flirting can also be a way to initiate sex or foreplay. Whether you are a new pair or a long term couple, here are some suggestions for saucier flirting – no matter what level you’re planning to take it to:

- Send sexy texts to each other while in the back of a cab (there are likely only so many things you want the driver to hear you say) or when you’re in the bathroom at a restaurant and your date/partner is at a crowded table with your other friends.
- Hand your partner a remote control to a vibrator that you currently have inside your vagina and invite them to use it
- While you’re both sitting on your laptops or watching TV, get up, put his or her laptop aside and sit on their lap. Or just stand up and take off your clothes.
- Hold their hand.
- Kiss the back of your date or partner’s neck, or be a tease and kiss only their forehead – wait to see if they flirt back.
- Send flirtatious IMs or messages over Twitter or Facebook. Or send Facebook posts or write wall posts that are flirtatious but that only he or she will get (not their hundreds of FB “friends”).
- Take photos of your breasts or your underwear-clad self (face not included) with your iPhone and email the photos to your partner, suggesting what you two might get up to later on.
-Leave love (or sex) notes in your partner’s shoes, briefcase, laptop bag or coat pocket.
- Send your partner a link to a vibrator, sex toy or fun lubricant you’re thinking of using together.
- Write a poem or song for your partner and read it. Naked.
- Say “remember when…” and bring up an incredibly hot, sexy or lubrication/erection-worthy memory involving the two of you in your more flirtatious moments
- Sit closer on the sofa than you normally do. Put your head in his or her lap. Stroke their hair.
- Wink.
- Smile a little more than you usually do. Smile with tenderness.
- Hold their gaze. If you’re feeling randy, catch their gaze, then look down at their genitals or breasts.
- Dance in the kitchen. Slowly.

This post sponsored by: Adam and Eve

Related MSP articles:
- Better birth control for women: now tastier and cuter than ever
- How to make love: five tips for better sex
- How to use vibrators to boost desire and make it easier to orgasm
- Foreplay tips to arouse her: women and sex

[Above photo of two women by simpologist via Flickr Creative Commons.]

Totally off topic, but can I say how happy I am that the Dean and Deluca in Georgetown has opened their outdoor area? Walking home, I stopped and got two mini cupcakes. Check it out – a lovely place to stop and get a bite to eat in the spring:


About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at