Happy New Year! What are your 2009 New Year’s Sex Resolutions?


Happy 2009!

If you’ve never made a New Year’s sex resolution, why not start now? Try to choose one that leaves you with many possibilities and that is mostly under your control. For example, “have more sex” wouldn’t be a resolution that I’d recommend as it’s fairly limited or narrow in scope, and it’s not really under your control if what you mean is have more partnered sex. After all, it takes a partner to make that one happen! And it may add more pressure to your relationship than either of you would like.

As such, try to broaden your resolution and make it as positive as can be. Some examples:

If you’re hoping to have more sex with your partner in 2009, rather than resolve to “have more sex”, try “become closer/more intimate with my partner in 2009″. After all, if you look for ways to connect and become close, you’re likely to end up having more sex anyway but the way you go about it is likely to be very different. In resolving to “have more sex” you might pressure your partner (or yourself) for more sex and start counting sex acts rather than focusing on quality.

Here’s another. Rather than resolving “don’t get any STIs this year”, try “Take care of my sexual health” which provides you with opportunities to meet this goal by learning about sex and STIs, gyn exams/wellness exams, condoms, birth control methods and more.

Instead of “learn to have an orgasm”, maybe “explore my possibilities for pleasure and orgasm.”

See how this can work? Think broad… positive…encouraging…ongoing growth potential.

With careful thought and sensitivity to the range of ways you might experience your sexuality, 2009 could be a very satisfying year of sex for you whether in terms of learning, feeling, doing or whatever else. If you’re willing to share your 2009 resolution (sex-related or not), please do – I’d love to hear about it.

[Photo by princess cy, via her Flickr photo stream.]

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at www.sexualhealth.indiana.edu.