Although most people have heard that spending time in foreplay can make for better sex, it’s not always clear how to go about using foreplay to arouse a partner – or what that does in the way of making for better sex. In today’s post, we’ll focus on how to arouse women as well as why it matters. Suffice it to say, however, that some of these tips could certainly be used on men as well.
Why is foreplay helpful for better sex?
If foreplay feels sexually exciting and arousing for a woman, then her vagina may be more likely to “tent” which means that the vagina grows in length and width, thus making for more comfortable penetration. (The vagina starts out at only 3-4 inches long when unaroused but grows to about 5-6 inches in length during arousal). Arousal also enhances a womans’ natural vaginal lubrication response which can make for more comfortable, pleasurable sex. They key is finding types of foreplay that feel arousing for a particular woman.
How do I know if the kind of foreplay I’m trying is foreplay that would excite or arouse her?
Ask her! Some time when you’re not having sex or about to have sex, let her know that you’d like to talk to her about your sex life. Using your own words that feel comfortable to you, you might let her know that you’re happy with your sex life and would like to find ways to please her even more. Specifically, you’re curious about what types of foreplay she likes – kissing? massage? oral sex? etc. Because women are all different from each other, it’s helpful to ask a particular woman what works for her. Additional clues can be found by paying close attention to how she responds during sexual play. Does she moan with pleasure more often when you’re engaged in certain types of sex play? Does she seem like she can’t get enough of something fun that you two do?
I’m not feeling creative. Can you give me a few foreplay tips or techniques to try out?
Sure! Here are some ideas – see what feels comfortable or exciting for you two:
- Kiss with your clothes on for at least 10 or 20 minutes or until you both feel enormously turned on
- Use a water-based lubricant to massage her genitals
- Gently run your fingers through her pubic hair and/or kiss her inner thighs
- Use a vibrator on low speed on her genitals, such as the labia majora (outer vaginal lips) or the area around her clitoris
- Perform oral sex on her
- Use a massage cream or oil to sensuously massage her back, legs or feet (note: if you are using latex condoms, avoid oil-based massage products lest the residue on your hands later on come into contact with the latex; oil-based products can cause latex condoms to break)
- Lay in bed and talk for 30 minutes or an hour, with your clothes on, and kiss each other every now and then on the forehead, lips, cheeks or neck; build intimacy through language rather than touch alone
- Dance together in the kitchen
- Build a fire and kiss in front of it
- Use your whole hand to gently massage her breasts, focusing on the whole breasts (not just the nipples), as the rest of the breasts are actually more sensitive than the nipples
Can foreplay make it easier for a woman to orgasm?
Yes, yes and MORE yes! Although not all women orgasm during intercourse, those that do often find that spending time in sexually exciting and arousing types of foreplay can make it easier for them to orgasm during intercourse. Some even find that spending more time in foreplay, building arousal, can make it easier for them to have multiple orgasms during sex. Although having an orgasm can be a lot of fun and quite satisfying, try to not focus too much on it as a goal, less sex feel pressured or too goal-oriented. Rather, try to focus on pleasure and enjoyment as part of the sexual experience.
Related MSP Posts:
- Breast and nipple stimulation: what you must know for better sex
- How to finger a woman: safe, pleasurable sex techniques
- Oral sex techniques and games for couples: flavored body sugar
- Unconventional foreplay tips for better sex
[Above image by Edgardo Balduccio via Flickr Creative Commons.]