Foreplay Tips for Better Sex

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There’s a reason that the word “play” is paramount to “foreplay”. Time and again, what we find is that couples enjoy playfulness and that it can even spark sexual desire. This is especially true for women and for couples who have been together for a long time. Sex is often driven by closeness, intimacy and those unexpected moments that remind you why you’re as into your partner as you are – even if, at times, you’re most excited somewhere way down deep. After all, the everyday annoyances of life can grate on any relationship, which is why it is so important to make time for play.  

That said, not everyone always knows what to do about foreplay. Some people think foreplay is just about kissing, cuddling, touching and giving each other back rubs. And while each of those can certainly be valuable parts of foreplay, many people find that foreplay starts earlier – that the best foreplay tips and foreplay techniques are more about being flirtatious than getting it on.

Doing something fun can bring lightness and laughter to your relationship and provide opportunities for letting go of inhibitions and seeing new (or forgotten) sides of your partner. Whether or not you have children (who are a great excuse for play!), why not:

Have a snowball fight. Bundle up, head outdoors and chase each other in your yard or a local park. If you get energized by crowds, call or Twitter your friends and get them to meet you somewhere for an all-out group fight.

Build a snowman. I recommend a carrot for the nose instead of a vibrator, though, as in the cartoon (from this site).

Go cross-country skiing together. Turn this into a romantic winter afternoon by packing a picnic to indulge in when you reach your destination.

Take a late night walk. Not everyone lives in a cold, wintry place. For some Southerners (I grew up in South Florida), winter brings cool, breezy evenings that you don’t get any other time of year. Throw on a light sweatshirt, and head outside to identify constellations, look for a shooting start or race each other (skipping!) down the block. Or find a park equipped with a swing set or bench and make out like high schoolers.

Stay indoors. Too cold to go outside? Build a sofa cushion tent or sit by the fire and read ghost stories or poetry. Roast marshmellows over a stove-top grill or fireplace. Or just break out a board game and get your competitive side going. As long as it’s healthy competition, you may find that it enhances sex (e.g., what else would one do in any of those four hotels on Park Place except have sex?)

Have a dance party. Put on your shorts and sneakers, play some music and have an indoor dance-a-thon or aerobics night. Trust me, it’s fun! And it just might led to sweaty sex afterwards. What did you think Olivia Newton John’s 80s hit, Let’s Get Physical, was for if not encouraging sex? (see the video here)

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About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at www.sexualhealth.indiana.edu.

  • B.S.Vas

    My wife wants more foreplay durning the sex. She wants to have bath together after sex, Please suggest me more foreplay tips.

  • B.S.Vas

    My wife wants more foreplay durning the sex. She wants to have bath together after sex, Please suggest me more foreplay tips.

  • Debby

    How nice that you and your wife are able to communicate about sex and that she feels comfortable asking for more foreplay during sex. It is helpful that she is able to suggest a specific example, such as taking a bath together after (or maybe even before?) sex as well. You can find various foreplay and sex tips in my new book which is called “Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction” (it can be pre-ordered on amazon and other bookstore web sites). You can also browse through this web site for tips related to foreplay, sexual positions, kissing and more. Foreplay can be enhanced in many ways by spending more time kissing or by changing the ways that you kiss (kissing longer, slower, with more tongue or less tongue), by touching each others’ breasts/chest, by kissing for a long time while still wearing clothes, sharing sexual fantasies, performing oral sex on each other and more. Try talking more to your wife to see what she – and you – find most exciting.

  • Debby

    How nice that you and your wife are able to communicate about sex and that she feels comfortable asking for more foreplay during sex. It is helpful that she is able to suggest a specific example, such as taking a bath together after (or maybe even before?) sex as well. You can find various foreplay and sex tips in my new book which is called “Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction” (it can be pre-ordered on amazon and other bookstore web sites). You can also browse through this web site for tips related to foreplay, sexual positions, kissing and more. Foreplay can be enhanced in many ways by spending more time kissing or by changing the ways that you kiss (kissing longer, slower, with more tongue or less tongue), by touching each others’ breasts/chest, by kissing for a long time while still wearing clothes, sharing sexual fantasies, performing oral sex on each other and more. Try talking more to your wife to see what she – and you – find most exciting.