Everything I Know About Sex I Learned From Star Wars

After Kate’s rocking post about Star Trek, and since I am a huge Star Wars fan, I felt it was my duty to provide the nerdy counterpoint.

Rather than just providing a list of quotes from Star Wars that sound dirty but actually aren’t, I decided to take popular quotes from my favorite space opera and let you know how you could use this wisdom to improve your sex life.

“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.”  - Obi-Wan’s Jedi Mind Trick

While the power of your mind may not be able to convince your partner to do just anything, one of the most important things during sex is using your mind to enhance the experience.  While being physically fit is good for your sex life, it’s more important to have the right mindset when going into a sexual relationship.  Many of the most common sexual dysfunctions have to do with differing beliefs and/or emotions between partners.  Just like the lightsaber stuck in the snow in the wampa’s cave, using your mind can help bring you what you want, even if you don’t think you can get there.

“I used to bull’s-eye womp rats in Beggar’s Canyon back home.” – Luke

This should be obvious – before you make a run in the “trenches of the Death Star,” make sure that you practice in a safe, familiar place with creatures you are more familiar with.  I’m talking, of course, about masturbation.  Make sure you are adept at sexual activities by yourself before you attempt them with a partner, especially if it is something about which you are nervous.

“Do or do not. – There is no try.” -Yoda

If you are trying something simply to please your partner, there should be at least a modicum of interest in it for you.  If you are doing it for your partner and you will gain nothing from it/it makes you really uncomfortable, there really is no try.  There’s just don’t.

“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side.” – Han Solo

When it all falls apart, and you’ve tried everything from tantric sex to sploshing with little success, blast your way out of it with a quality sex toy.  Just remember, it’s OK if you shoot first.

“R2-D2, you know better than to trust a strange computer.” – C-3PO

When R2 is blown halfway across the room after sticking his probe in a wall socket, Lucas (I’m sure) wanted us to learn the importance of knowing something about the people you “interface” with.  Before you put in the plug, make sure you have some conversation with your partner.

“Size matters not.” – Yoda

Well, it doesn’t.  Yoda kicks ass.

Learn about MSP posts as they happen by following us on Twitter @mysexprofessor. You can also follow Craig VanKempen, the author of this post, @craigvk and make friends with us on Facebook.

Photo thanks to leiasmetalbikini.com.

About Craig VanKempen

Craig VanKempen

Craig VanKempen, LLMSW/MPH, is a sex educator and therapist practicing in the Detroit/Ann Arbor area. His professional interests include HIV, polyamory, compulsive sexual behavior, religion and sexuality, and GLBT issues.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=20897 Kaitlyn Beth

    Best. post. ever.

  • TheSpecialLadyFriend

    LOVE IT. May the force be with us all.

  • Kate

    Well done, Craig. Thanks for the shout out to my Star Trek post too. Nerds unite!