Over at Gizmodo, I learned about a vibrating mascara wand via the below video and thanks to Joanna who added “the last place I’ve ever thought to stick a vibrating wand is in my eye.” Well, for me, other “last places” where I would definitely not recommend sticking a vibrating mascara wand include the vagina or the anus. Because people will do this even though I don’t think they should (and it’s not just because the vibrating mascara wand appears to run on watch batteries, which are notorious for “zero orgasmic intensity”).
Every time one of these ridiculous vibrating cosmetic or hygiene products comes out, I hear from students or readers who try using them for sexual purposes. That’s right: vibrating toothbrushes, razors and hairbrushes where they don’t belong. (Why anyone ever thought a vibrating razor would be a good surreptitious sex toy, I have no idea – the thought of a blade near my genitals does nothing good for me).
Will a little mascara wand up the vagina be disastrous? No, it’s unlikely. But given what a pain it is to wipe mascara off your eyelid when you blink too quickly after applying it, I wouldn’t want to deal with getting it down there either. Although granted the vagina is wetter and thus perhaps easier to clean but who wants to explain to their partner or their healthcare provider why their vagina and vulva have mascara on it? Or their anal area? So awkward, people.
Then there’s the butt (aka anus). If things like shampoo bottles, light bulbs and beer bottles can get stuck up there, so can a vibrating mascara wand. And please don’t use this for urethral play – remember the guy whose doctor had to remove a dead snake from his bladder because it presumably wriggled free after he let it loose in there? Yes, let’s not go there again, shall we?
Just go buy regular mascara for your eyelashes and a regular vibrator or butt plug for your genitals. If you need a recommendation for either, email me. I indulge in both beauty products and sex toys and am happy to share ideas. There are also tons of vibrator ideas to be found in my book (I’m a big fan of the We-Vibe, you’ll notice) or at local sex boutiques.