I’m not a sex educator, but I am a sex geek and I love to talk about sex. There’s nothing like having a discussion with your mates in a pub, while the rest of the world moves around you and you’re discussing the latest thing you’ve learned, then some random walks past right at that part of the conversation and you get a weird look. So in response to Debby’s post about advice for women, I compiled a male set of advice that I thought could be helpful to MSP’s readers. 1. You have penis – learn to live with it. Continue Reading →
Sexual Health
Recent posts
Sex, Love, and Life Advice for Women
In my role as a sex educator, I am often asked – especially by young women – to give one single “must-know” piece of advice about sex. Something that if they knew, their sex life would be better for it. While I can never boil my advice down to just one thing, here are 7 pieces of advice that I wish more women would take to heart:
1. Your vagina smells just fine. You don’t need to douche, spray, or wipe it with anything scented. Continue Reading →
Thanks, Tennessee Legislature!
Dear Tennessee Governor Haslem and the Tennessee legislature,
I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you. Due to your hard work at drafting and passing the HB 3621 and SB 3310 law, my sex therapy practice will continue to be profitable for years. While your law outlawing the teaching of ”gateway sexual activity” and “non-coital sexual activity” is on the books, thousands of Tennessee teens will be taught that their sexual feelings are bad and that they need to refrain from any kind of affectionate touching until their relationship is recognized by the state, and the only way to be sexual with someone is through coitus in marriage. And my fellow sex educators in your state have their hands tied in terms of giving these confused teens options and speaking frankly about things they could do to deal with these sexual feelings in a way that lower their risks of making their partner or themselves pregnant or contracting STIs. So, thank you, because as a sex therapist, I will reap the benefits of this law for many years. People will come to me confused as to why the sex in their marriage has fallen apart, or asking how they can stop being attracted to their same gender because they were never taught that same gender attraction was possible, or that any kind of sex exists besides coitus in the context of marriage. Perhaps I’ll even get a chance to meet with a young man who is diagnosed with HIV because his school didn’t address the type of sex he was having, and the risks involved with that. In short, your legislation will allow many more people to be undereducated about sex and relationships, which will lead to problems down the road, even in their state-approved marriages. They will come to my sex therapy practice to talk about their deep dissatisfaction with their sex lives which may have been prevented were it not for your legislation. Thanks also for helping people think that sex should be painful and scary, and not the pleasurable, wonderful thing that it can and should be. Those people will need counseling in the future when they don’t want to have sex because they simply don’t like it, or because their head is so filled with sex-negative messages that even when they want to enjoy sex, they can’t get to the point where it feels good. Continue Reading →
Gender on the Galactica
Ok, so I’m secretly a huge nerd. Well, maybe that’s not so secret. But recently I’ve been accepting my true nerdiness and allowing myself to delve into some awesome sci-fi shows. For the past week, I’ve spent most of my free time watching Battlestar Galactica. I’m only on season 2, but so far I’m fascinated by all of the sexuality/gender play on the show! Continue Reading →
A Jewish Perspective On Abortion
Discussions of abortion frequently focus on Christian perspectives, as pro-life Christians tend to be the ones out protesting the most visibly. However, other religions certainly have perspectives on abortion. This narrative by my Jewish friend Sarah, on finding support from other Jewish women while choosing to have an abortion, shares an experience that is thought-provoking, interesting, and unique. Follow us on Twitter @mysexprofessor. Follow Jeana, the author of this post, @foxyfolklorist. Continue Reading →
How The Germans Do It
When I was coming of age and starting to ask my parents questions about sex and puberty, they did their best to educate me. Like many good Midwestern liberal parents, they sat me down, looked me in the eye…and handed me a book. The “What’s Happening to my Body? Book for Boys” allowed me to learn about the changes in my body and mind, and read about masturbation, body growth, and attraction. This book was my entryway not only into my pubescent years, but also into my lifelong interest in sexuality and sex education. However, as I grew older and learned that many aspects of sexuality made people in the USA uncomfortable, I found I was interested not only in what this seminal book contained, but also what it omitted. So, while studying abroad in Germany, I acquired a book called “Weil Wir Jungen Sind (Because we are boys)” that was also aimed at teens trying to figure out what to do with their growing bodies and feelings. After a decade spent with the American version, I was surprised by how open and detailed the German version was about some aspects of sex that my book simply glossed over. Topics covered in detail in the German book, but conspicuously absent even in the latest edition of the American book include:
Anal Intercourse
Coming Out
Fetishes
Erogenous Zones
Sexual Positions (with line drawings!)
I found myself thinking, “Why can’t we have such detailed sexual health information in the United States?” And I realized that any book marketed for teenagers in the US and containing these topics would be quickly attacked and accused of being pornography. One of the reasons I love to travel and explore is to notice these cultural differences, and see what I/we can learn from them. Maybe from the Germans, we Americans can learn to be a little more open when talking about sexuality. Continue Reading →
Australia’s Chlamydial Pursuits
As a researcher working in sexual health, I try to keep an ear to the ground with regard to developments in the STI realm. Regardless of one’s personal or professional interests, however, it is difficult to ignore the spotlight that has been shining on chlamydia in recent times. From posters on public toilet doors, to plotlines on Australia’s second-favourite evening soap, one can certainly argue that chlamydia is Australia’s STI du jour. As I am currently devoting my professional life to chlamydia-specific research, I must disclose that the chlamydia fervor is subsidizing my lifestyle. But aside from funding my penchant for fine cheeses and late-night Etsy binges, there are a number of reasons why chlamydia is deservedly the focus of national attention. Continue Reading →
Motherhood And Selfishness
In my last post on motherhood, I touched briefly on how women who choose not to have children are often berated for being selfish. I would like to return to this point and explore it a bit further, as I believe it is actually quite multifaceted and functions as a focal point for many of the issues women face today. First, there are many costs, both tangible and intangible, that potential mothers must take into account. These include time spent navigating physical conditions (which could range from negligible to major and incapacitating) as well as the money not only to pay for treatment, but also money lost from not being employed. This article on The Nation analyzes the hidden costs of motherhood, ranging from the unanticipated need to take unpaid leave to outright debt from job loss. Continue Reading →
Keep Your Cancer Off Facebook
I just posted about how Facebook banned a woman from posting pictures of her newborn son, and now here’s a story about Facebook banning a woman’s mastectomy photos. I’ve seen other inspirational photos of women who have battled breast cancer, so I’m not surprised that someone shared their photos on Facebook. Joanne Jackson from the UK had photos taken after her mastectomy, and chose to share them on Facebook. I love what she had to say about the photos: “I am not one who is shy but these pictures weren’t as much about me as about other women who had maybe just been diagnosed with breast cancer. It doesn’t have to be a death sentence and there is life after a mastectomy.” Continue Reading →
Sexual Health For The Zombie Apocalypse
As you may be aware, the CDC has a zombie preparedness page. However, as Dr. Jen Gunter points out, they neglect to give sexual health advice, so she fills in the gap by advising us to be prepared with condoms, menstrual supplies, and batteries for our fave toys (since not every survivor you meet will be your type). My only concern is that this advice seems overwhelmingly aimed at women, while men, too, would benefit from having emergency supplies for both sexual safety and pleasure on hand. Follow us on Twitter @mysexprofessor. Follow Jeana, the author of this post, @foxyfolklorist. Continue Reading →