Sexual Pleasure

Recent posts

All About Strap-ons: An Interview with Louise Bourchier

Earlier this year, I had the pleasure of attending a fantastic presentation by Louise Bourchier on strap-ons, which was hosted by Pleasure Forum Australia. I had no idea there was so much to know about the subject. Louise gave such an informative and entertaining presentation, I couldn’t wait to interview her about her expertise. Kate: Tell me, how did you come to know so much about strap-ons? Louise: Well, I guess I got interested in strap-ons a few years ago when I was expanding my sexual horizons. Continue Reading →

Thoughts On Sex Positivity

With all the sex negativity in the news (sigh), it is time to focus on something more positive: sex positivity! What, you may ask, is sex positivity? It’s the idea that sex is a natural and human thing to do, and that people should have the freedom to engage in any kind of sex in any safe and consensual way. Holly Pervocracy gives this definition: sex positivity is “the belief that sex and sexiness are… okay. Continue Reading →

Dancing Is All About Choices – And So Is Sex

I recently had a revelation about sex that occurred to me in an unexpected context: at a belly dance workshop. Since relocating to Estonia, I’ve found belly dancers to hang out with and practice with, which has been really wonderful. It may be a small country, but belly dance is really popular here! Ironically, I found myself at a belly dance festival taking a workshop with an American dancer who I’d always admired but never had a chance to study with in America, so, go figure, I got to take classes with her here in Estonia. Mira Betz is a really amazing dancer–and, better yet–a really insightful teacher. Continue Reading →

Best Sex Resources for College Students

When people come into my dorm room and check out my bookshelf, they’re usually shocked by how many sex-related books I’ve got. They take up entire shelf, and I’m quite proud of that! But my friends often ask me which ones are the best. So, I thought I’d share my opinions with you all. Here are my top sex resources for college students (other than MSP, of course)! Continue Reading →

Erotica: Recommendations and Ruminations

In my quest to research and read more about all aspects of sexuality–and also find some good, entertaining erotica to read–I’m happy to have found a site called Adventurotica, which features not only erotic fiction but also essays about various sexual topics. While as a scholar I’ll read darn near anything out of curiosity or to analyze its social relevance, as a sex-positive feminist I am deeply concerned with how the fiction I read presents sexuality: is sex something that just happens to women, something that women actively pursue, or what? I’m pleased with how the authors at Adventurotica represent women’s desire (and men’s, too!) as fluid and something to be explored and enjoyed. Ranging from short stories to serialized novels, from vanilla sex to increasingly kinky scenes, the fiction is overall fun, and well-written too (thank goodness, since I can’t get into a story if it’s poorly written!). So while the fiction is neat, I also really dig the analytical essays, for instance, this one on the difference between erotica and porn (hint: it’s more subjective than you think!). Continue Reading →

The Joys Of Manual Pleasure

Sometimes “hand jobs” get a bad rap. “Intercourse’s [or a blow job's] poor cousin,” some people say. And as it applies to women, “fingering,” while an accurate descriptor for some vulva/vagina stimulation activities, evokes a rapid in-out motion of finger-in-vagina, which is insufficient for most women to to experience orgasm. The phrase often invoked to bring some legitimacy to the act, “mutual masturbation,” brings to mind more routine self-pleasure rather than the exchange of delicious, playful climaxes. Despite the negative press, the manual pleasuring of your partner’s sexy bits can be a delightful addition to your sexual repertoire. Continue Reading →

Being Sexually Submissive Or Sexually Anything Doesn’t Impact Your Competence

I love this piece by Clarisse Thorn investigating the links between some women’s sexual submission and the rest of their lives. To quote my favorite part:

“Sexual kinks don’t necessarily affect one’s performance in non-sexual fields. A sexually submissive woman won’t make a bad CEO (at least, not because she’s sexually submissive). I mean, come on, it’s not like there aren’t sexually submissive men in powerful corporate positions.” In short, your sexual preferences are just one part of your identity. Continue Reading →

Pleasure-Inclusive Sex Education

“I wish I’d been taught that in my sex ed” is something I hear quite often from participants in the “pleasure physiology” workshops that I teach. Clearly, sexual pleasure is important to most people, but rarely do we get comprehensive education on the subject unless we actively seek it out. In my workshops, I love talking about anatomy and physiology from a pleasure, rather than just reproductive, perspective and exploring how to eroticize safer sex practices. Certainly, I think that reproductive education is important, but when most folks have sex, it’s for pleasure, not procreation. Likewise, teaching about sexually-transmissible infections (STIs) is important, but the ever-popular “gloom-and-doom” approaches to STI prevention leave a lot to be desired. Continue Reading →

Where Do Desires Come From?

Why do we find certain things sexy, and other things un-sexy? How much of our desires are governed by genes, or culture, or individual quirks? From being turned on by “normal” things like a glimpse of an attractive body to the less mainstream attractions like fetish wear and pain, there are a variety of factors influencing what people find desirable. Be warned, this is a somewhat rambling post, representing my attempt to get a hold on what is perhaps one of the trickiest aspects of sexuality: where desires come from. Some desires are likely connected to our evolution and our genes, such as the desire for traits that are adaptive to survival. Continue Reading →

“Piss”- A Short Film About A Real Relationship Issue: NSFW

I recently came across a short film on youtube called “Piss” (watch it on YouTube). Just a warning in case you didn’t read the title…this video is NSFW! However, if you happen to be sitting at home with nobody around but your cats, definitely check it out. I think it portrays a really common issue in modern relationships. The film depicts a young heterosexual couple trying to work out a kink in their sex life. Continue Reading →