Questions & Answers

Recent posts

MSP Sex Q&A: How are orgasms supposed to feel?


Question: Okay, so I am pretty sure that I am (finally!) having orgasms. Only they don’t feel like I thought they would. Like, there’s no “high”. How are orgasms supposed to feel? Answer: Every woman’s experience of orgasm is different and, for reasons we don’t fully understand, not all women experience the “euphoric high” or sense of calm related to orgasm. Some women may simply experience less dramatic orgasms than others; then again, sometimes orgasm feels differently from different types of stimulation. Continue Reading →

Sex column round-up

This week, in my In&Out column at Time Out Chicago, I answer questions from readers about:
- a woman who wonders if she has reached her sexual peak and how she can get her husband to want to have more sex with her
- a woman who wants to know how to calm her throbbing vagina post-breakup, and preferably in a way that doesn’t involve masturbating as she has images of her ex cheating on her (ugh)
- a man who wants to know how to get his girlfriend to let him give her oral sex
- whether it is possible to get herpes from a hand job
(Read the full column here.)

In my weekly Loveville column over at Velocity, I answer questions from readers about:
- whether one should use condoms with an ex when they get back together
- planning to get pregnant in tough economic times
(Read the full column here.)

On the Men’s Health web site (and also in their magazine each month) you can find my answers to MH readers’ questions about pubic hair and sex, the g spot, women’s orgasm, premature ejaculation and more. Check out some of the online questions here. Finally, make sure to check out some great recent posts by our blogging team over at Kinsey Confidential! Oh, and P.S.: Fun news! I’m on this year’s panel of judges for the 2009 Sexies Awards – (Sex Positive Journalism Awards). Continue Reading →

MSP Sex Q&A: Sex after childbirth

Question: I’m in my second trimester of pregnancy and I’ve got to say – I’ve read so many different things on the internet about how sex changes after having a baby. I don’t know what to believe anymore! What’s really happens to a woman’s sex life after childbirth? Answer: There’s no doubt that having a baby affects a couple’s sexual life – but having a baby (e.g., dealing with fatigue, stress, sleepless nights, and seeing oneself as a parent rather than a sexual being) is different than actually giving birth (not that I need to tell you that!) and so the sex issues are different too. It seems that your main curiosity relates to the extent that pregnancy and childbirth might impact a woman’s body rather than the effects of living with a baby, so let’s turn to the former. Continue Reading →

MSP Sex Q&A: Where can I find porn for couples or women?

Question: I’m one of those rare women who LIKES PORN! Now, uh, where can I find some (and please don’t say those sleazy adult bookstores crawling with men) that I can watch with my husband, or by myself when he’s traveling for work? Answer: Although few women have been raised with the sense that it’s okay for women to like porn, the fact is that some do. Some women like watching porn alone, such as to up their arousal or to ease orgasm during masturbation, and other women enjoy watching porn with a partner. One site,, is sort of a clearinghouse of woman-oriented porn sites and resources. Continue Reading →

MSP Sex Q&A: How can we spice up our sex life?

Question: My girlfriend and I are both 22 but we have a pretty routine/boring sex life. How can we spice it up? Answer: Don’t give up! There is no reason that 22 should be as good as it gets. Whenever I hear someone of any age – but especially someone in their 20s or 30s – say that their sex life has hit a stand still, I usually ask if they and they partner talk about sex during times when they’re not already having it. Continue Reading →

MSP Sex Q&A: How long do women’s orgasms last?

Question: I’ve heard that women’s orgasms last for several minutes, but mine seem much shorter. How long do they really last? Answer: Not long enough! Really, you will rarely ever (if ever) find a woman who says “ugh, my orgasm lasted way too long”. That’s because they really are fleeting events, lasting about 10 to 30 seconds depending on its intensity and the number of contractions involved in the orgasm. Continue Reading →

How can you learn to perform oral sex on a guy without gagging?

Question: How can you learn to perform oral sex on a guy without gagging? Answer: While not all women and men who perform oral sex on men get to The Point of No Gagging, many people find that there is some room for improvement. Fellatio (oral sex performed on a man) can often become less gag-inducing over time. How so? Well, some people simply find that – as with many things – fellatio becomes easier with practice. Continue Reading →

Recent sex column round-ups

- In Velocity, check out my responses to a guy who was wondering whether he should get his booty-calling-ex a holiday gift and to a woman whose boyfriend wants her to grow her nails long so she can scratch his back (yes, in that way) – that Dec 31 column can be found on the Velocity web site

- Also in Velocity, last week’s column brought us questions from one reader who asked me for ways to re-ignite his relationship following a two-week dry spell and another reader who was bothered by her husband’s use of porn

- In Time Out Chicago, last week my weekly In&Out column heard from a male reader who wondered to what extent his penis size might be contributing to his seeming lack of luck in getting his exes to orgasm, an 18 year old female reader who experienced some bleeding after sex (well, technically after fingering) and was wondering about that, and a male reader who was looking for a way to speed up his girlfriend’s orgasm (the fact that he was spraying lidocaine on his penis in order to last longer was a challenging issue in and of itself – yikes! not a good idea, folks). – In this week’s Time Out Chicago, there are even more interesting questions from readers! Take, for example, the woman who asked how to improve her odds of orgasm given the religious guilt she experiences in regard to masturbation, another woman who wondered about whether it was safe for women to take birth control pills for years on end (and whether there was a pill for men), and a 30-ish guy whose fear of germs has kept him from having sex or getting into the relationship he very much wants. Read the column here. Continue Reading →

MSP Sex Q&A: Why is it so hard for women to have orgasms during sex?

Question: Why is it so darn hard for me to have an orgasm during sex? Is that normal?  
Answer: It is completely common for it to be difficult for a woman to orgasm during intercourse. In fact, it is often far easier for women to orgasm from direct clitoral stimulation, such as occurs during cunnilingus (oral sex performed on a woman), masturbation (solo or with a partner) or vibrator use. There is no one way to experience pleasure during sex; neither is there one “standard” path to orgasm. Continue Reading →