Communication

Recent posts

10 Sex Educators You Should Follow on Twitter

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Twitter is a great place to hear about the work sex educators and researchers are doing all over the world. Often it will be the first place I see the latest sex-in-the-news story or it’ll be the inspiration for a new sex ed project. In light of how much I enjoy the sex ed community on Twitter, I decided to write a post (an expanded #followfriday, so to speak) highlighting some of the folks who’ve inspired me recently. This isn’t meant to be an absolute “best of,” but rather, a snapshot of people and organizations doing great work that I admire. 1. Continue Reading →

Anticipation Can Impair You

A study I recently read in the Archives of Sexual Behavior shows that men who thought they were interacting with a woman on a computer or even just anticipated interacting with a woman experienced cognitive impairment. The study, aptly titled “The Mere Anticipation of Interaction With a Woman Can Impair Men’s Cognitive Performance,” focused just on heterosexual individuals and did not find the same impairment with heterosexual women. In the study, the researchers found that the heterosexual males focused on trying to make a good impression when they thought they were communicating with a woman. They used a computer, but think that the results would also be applicable for phone calls and I’m curious if it would also apply to texting. I think that this study is interesting because it’s not about actually interacting with someone, but just even thinking about it. Continue Reading →

Movie Sex: The Holy Grail?

When you think about how sex is pictured in the movies, what do you think of? Brute Reason gives us a summary of the usual scenario: man meets woman, and without much or any discussion of their sexual preferences or desires, they proceed to have awesome, mind-blowing sex. How often does that actually happen in real life? We’re gonna say infrequently, if ever. And  yet it’s still held up as this Holy Grail, the object of never-ending quests, the goal to which all sexual partners ought aspire. Continue Reading →

How To Approach A Stranger And Not Be Creepy

My last post on sexual harassment and the problem of being creepy had a lot of “don’ts” in it, such as don’t corner someone you don’t know, don’t invade their personal space, and so on. But what about the “dos”? One blogger, an author I know (Marie Brennan), listed a bunch of her “dos” in this post. She introduces her post by linking to John Scalzi’s An Incomplete Guide to Not Creeping and writes: “See, sometimes you get guys responding to this kind of thing by wailing that they’ll never be able to compliment a woman again, or whatever. And that just isn’t the case. Continue Reading →

Why Good Sex Ed Is Important: A Reminder

Not surprisingly, disclosing that I’m a sex educator often elicits questions, wide-eyed stares, and/or giggles. Recently, after telling someone what I do for a living, I was asked, “what do you think about abstinence-only education?” I replied (with a smile), “That’s like asking an evolutionary biologist what they think of Intelligent Design” and went on to discuss a few of the problems with America’s notorious (lack of) sex ed. While it’s not news to anyone who works in sexual health that comprehensive sex ed is a good thing and that abstinence-only sex ed doesn’t work, sometime it’s nice to be reminded why the work we do is important. Recently, I came across an article on Twitter (thanks @jezRSH) that describes some of the more noteworthy and atrocious “lessons” in New York State’s sex ed curricula that have been uncovered in a recent study by the New York Civil Liberties Union. Continue Reading →

Sexual Harassment And The Problem Of Being “Creepy”

Geek culture has some problems with sexual harassment and misogyny, sadly, many of which manifest at conventions in the form of stalking and generally creepy behavior. Genevieve Valentine’s experience at Readercon is only one of the most recent and publicized examples. As I’ve discussed previously, “creepy” may not be the best term for these kinds of behaviors. For one thing, the word itself is vague, and can mean different things to different people. For another thing, the term can be used to indicate unwanted social or sexual attraction regardless of the other person’s intentions. Continue Reading →

Need Help Teaching Sex Ed?

Talking about sex can be difficult enough – so what do you do if you want to teach sex ed? For some teacher friends of mine, they were given the responsibility of teaching sex ed, but no manual or curriculum (in fact, one friend was told to “just figure it out”). Understandably, this can be overwhelming. In order to make sex education easier for teachers to deliver, the UK’s National Children’s Bureau (NCB) provides  a number of resources for educators. While the NCB is based in the UK, the links and information that they provide is invaluable and likely to be helpful regardless of where you are teaching. Continue Reading →

Limits of the English Language – Revisited

Our most recent theme week, Sex and Language, has prompted me to revisit a topic that I blogged about a while back: the use of language when describing a significant other. At the time, I was struggling with what I should call my Sig O. Since my partner (yes, I’ve settled on that word) is transgender, I was bouncing between boyfriend and partner. “Boyfriend,” on the one hand, led everyone to assume heterosexuality, while “partner” made me sound like an old lesbian (no offense whatsoever to that crowd, I’m just not quite there yet). This of course brings up the question of whether or not I actually care what people think of me. When I use boyfriend and people assume I’m straight, should that bother me? Continue Reading →

Jealousy And Language

Jealousy is a problem that irks many a relationship. It’s possible to be jealous of many different kinds of people or things, to be jealous of people who have what you want, or are with who you want to be with. You can be envious or someone for being the kind of person you’re not. In many instances, though, jealousy in the context of relationships means feeling annoyed or frustrated or hurt or angry when your partner (or love interest or crush object) pays attention to someone else instead of you, whether that means going so far as cheating or simply flirting. Since I have the good fortune to be a relatively un-jealous person, friends often come to me for advice about how to handle jealousy issues. Continue Reading →

Our Whole Lives – Sexual Language Lessons for 8th Graders

One of my joyful duties as a sex educator is to help teach the Our Whole Lives (OWL) curriculum at the Unitarian Universalist congregation that I attend. The OWL curriculum provides a chance for eighth graders to examine their ideas and attitudes about sex and relationships, practice friendship and dating skills, and learn facts about pregnancy, contraception, and STIs that will help them stay safer when they do become sexually active, if they haven’t already. A favorite session of mine occurs early in the curriculum, where we talk with the youth about the different types of language one could use when talking about different sexual acts and body parts. And since OWL is an activity-based curriculum, we can’t just talk about it, we also need to do an activity. The facilitators read aloud some words for sex acts and body parts and the youth write down all the synonyms they have heard for that word. Continue Reading →