Breasts: an ideal place to keep your iPhone?

img_1722Yesterday I was reading a post on Gizmodo that talked about how, among other things, the only way to really test certain gadgets is to take them outside and use them in the real world (as in, there’s only so much you can know about a waterproof camera without using it wholeheartedly during fun summer outdoor oceanside play).

For me what came to mind is my iPhone. People who know me know that I love the outdoors and I generally have a pretty low-key lifestyle. I don’t wear a lot of make-up in my day to day life. I pretty much wash my hair and go, so it’s often wet if you see me before 10am. And whether clothes require dry cleaning or ironing play a large role in whether or not I will even purchase them (unless they are beautiful dresses, for which I have a weakness).

I also spend a lot of time outdoors walking, running, biking, swimming, tossing a frisbee or sitting outside reading. Being someone who enjoys their solitude, I do many of these things by myself. And because I like to make sure I can get help if needed, my iPhone almost always joins me on my excursions.

When I run, I leave it at home (I don’t run far enough for it to be a big deal). But when I go on long walks or even short bike rides, I bring my phone and yet I need my hands to be free, so I have to put my iPhone somewhere. As practical as so-called fanny packs may be, I refuse to wear them so my iPhone almost always ends up in my breasts/sports bra. In my case, this is a pretty decent place to keep it although – like sex – some positions work better than others.

I’ve found that having the iPhone totally immersed in said breasts (top photo) is the best for keeping the iPhone safe during my walks and bike rides so that it doesn’t accidentally fall out and meet an untimely death or cracked LED or screen. On the down side, my walks sometimes last for an hour or longer and, if I accidentally turn the screen toward my skin rather than my clothes, then the iPhone’s screen gets quite smeared (I slather my entire body with lotion each morning to keep it soft, so it may be the lotion – and not just sweat – that’s getting on the screen). But you know that look that your iPhone screen gets if you hold it in the palm of your hands for 10 minutes, or up against your face while talking on the phone for longer? It’s that times ten, which is kind of gross.

I’ve tried to keep more of the iPhone peeking out of my clothes (see middle photo) but I’ve had a few near-drops so have nixed that position.

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When I first got my iPhone, I thought it would be held in place better if I tucked it under my sports bra straps (see bottom photo) but not only did that feel awkward, it also nearly slipped out a few times. Hence, the top position won. (Oh, and in case you’re wondering about keeping it in my shorts – that’s a big no. The waist band on my running shorts is not tight enough and I don’t wear lyrca biking shorts, which would probably work fine for holding the iPhone since they can’t slip through the bottom as they can with running shorts).

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I do worry sometimes that the sweat and/or lotion will – over time (or on a very warm day) – be enough to cause water damage to my iPhone and be detectable as such at the Apple store. And then I wonder if the guys at the Genius bar will consider storing one’s iPhone in one’s breasts as “normal use” or as “mis-use”? Would the hypothetically damaged phone be able to be switched out? Would this be a very awkward conversation at the Apple store when I swear that while I didn’t drop it in a puddle, I did regularly keep it in my breasts while biking? Well, let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that. It would be awkward (but funny) to have to demo this at the Apple store.

Related MSP Posts:
- Breast and nipple stimulation: what you must know for better sex
- iPhone egrips save my iPhone from my carelessness
- How the new iPhone 3G S will revolutionize sex

UPDATE: I’ve been told that my use of the word “slather” was perhaps too sultry. It wasn’t intended as such. Let me clarify: I put on a bunch of lotion. On all 65.5 inches of me. And the entire process takes about 5 seconds. Hence, I say “slather” rather than “place” lotion.

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at www.sexualhealth.indiana.edu.

  • Michael

    Have you considered an armband?

  • Michael

    Have you considered an armband?

  • http://sptsd.com/ Ryan Farrell

    Two things immediately spring to mind when I think about this method of phone carrying.

    First is a concern about cancer.
    Cellphones emit large amounts of RF radiation, the effects of which are currently being researched. The preliminary reports do not look positive.
    Keeping something that may cause cancer enveloped in tissues which are prone to cancer is not something I would advise.

    Second, batteries.
    Simply, warmth damages batteries. It shortens their live dramatically.
    Also, the Li-Ion batteries that are in most phones are potentially explosive, and iPhones specifically have spontaneously combusted.

    http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/risk/cellphones

  • http://sptsd.com Ryan Farrell

    Two things immediately spring to mind when I think about this method of phone carrying.

    First is a concern about cancer.
    Cellphones emit large amounts of RF radiation, the effects of which are currently being researched. The preliminary reports do not look positive.
    Keeping something that may cause cancer enveloped in tissues which are prone to cancer is not something I would advise.

    Second, batteries.
    Simply, warmth damages batteries. It shortens their live dramatically.
    Also, the Li-Ion batteries that are in most phones are potentially explosive, and iPhones specifically have spontaneously combusted.

    http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/risk/cellphones

  • http://sptsd.com/ Ryan Farrell

    I would also like to add, in relation to the update, I perceived “slather” as hastily applied.

  • http://sptsd.com Ryan Farrell

    I would also like to add, in relation to the update, I perceived “slather” as hastily applied.

  • J

    What if you are an A cup ;)

  • J

    What if you are an A cup ;)

  • Chris

    or a man without “moobs” :)

  • Chris

    or a man without “moobs” :)

  • Debby

    As long as the girl with the A cup has a super strong sports bra, it should work. But for men without moobs? Not so much. Sorry, guys.

  • Debby

    As long as the girl with the A cup has a super strong sports bra, it should work. But for men without moobs? Not so much. Sorry, guys.