What a Lack Of Plus-Sized Lingerie Does to Sex

I’ve always been a bit of a sex kitten. I ooze sexuality from every pore of my body. I was never ashamed of it. And while I’ve had body image issues just like every other woman on the planet, I could ignore all of them when in sexy mode. I always enjoyed wearing sexy clothes/lingerie and showing them off. This is one of the big reasons that I did porn.

But then as I got older my arthritis got worse which made it difficult to stay active and to continue to love my body because it spent a lot of time betraying me. Combine that with a pretty big bout of depression in my mid-20s and I got fat. At first I refused to accept it, but as time went on and I realized how difficult it would be to change I decided that I should continue to love me and continue to be the sex kitten that I so enjoy being.

The problem is, and I’m sure all you big ladies can back me up on this, that there isn’t exactly a big selection of clothes to accentuate and flatter our bodies. Not because they can’t be made, but because they aren’t made. It took a long time for me to find clothes that fit my body the way I wanted them to and made me feel sexy again. But luckily I found them; otherwise I probably would’ve never gotten out of that body negative funk.

So I found clothes and that’s helped, but then my wife and I were planning on going on a romantic vacation so I decided I should get some sexy lingerie. I hunted and hunted, but could not find anything that fit me. Many stores refused to even carry their plus sized lingerie in store which is torture because then you can’t try it on to see if it does fit.

As a straight-sized gal I never had any issue finding lingerie that fit and looked amazing on me. There were so many options to choose from. All kinds of styles, colors, and sizes that ranged from bra size to body size. My only complaint was a lack of money to buy all of the amazing options.

As a plus-sized woman I have only been able to find a couple different styles and nothing is sized the way I want. Even if the main focus is on the breasts, the size will be by dress size. This makes absolutely no sense! My dress size only slightly influences my breast size. However, if I want a babydoll with underwire and cups for my breasts I have to wear 2 sizes too big for me so that I’m swimming in the material, the panties that come with are big enough to reach my breasts when pulled on, and the whole thing is just uncomfortable. This is not a flattering look.

I did not find any sexy lingerie for that vacation, or the vacation after that. It took me a year and a half to find something that made me feel even a little sexy, but I’m still swimming in it and uncomfortable. The lack of hot plus-size lingerie is really cramping my sex kitten style.

Picture Credit- Model: Shanna Katz, Photo: Ken Norcross

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About Garnet Joyce

Garnet Joyce

Queer sex educator starting a new adventure with her wife and two cats.

  • Heather

    Great post – I can absolutely relate!

    The online communitiy at http://community.livejournal.com/fatshionista is a: “diverse fat-positive, anti-racist, disabled-friendly, multi-gendered, queer-flavored, politically-engaged community, open to everyone.” Though it doesn’t say, the community is also very sex positive and full of great conversations and resources for all things fat-sex related, including plus sized lingerie.

    Ooh – and check out http://www.hipsandcurves.com if you haven’t already.

  • Z.B.

    This is a frustration that my wife and I share. She is very large breasted (G cup) and either they fit her body and not her chest or vice versa.

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