What’s Important Is That They’re Polyamorous

A few weeks ago some friends of mine were returning from a lovely dinner out in New York City, and enjoying the evening on their walk back to their apartment. When they were close to their apartment, three young men attempted to mug my three friends.


They weren’t successful because my friend Rose Fox suspected that they were holding a fake gun. One of the suspects said, “I could blast you away right here.” Fairly intense, right? Ms Fox wrote in her blog that her response wasn’t one of fear; “Reader, I laughed. I’m sort of horrified to admit this now, but I did. It was just so ludicrous! “Blast you away”? Here? With so many people around? With a fake gun? An incredulous “ha!” came out of me before I could stop it.” Then she opted to make noise while one partner called the police and the other gave a rather intimidating stare-down.

I’ve only met two of the individuals, but let me tell you that while I found them to be incredibly warm and hilarious (also, Ms Fox writes just as eloquently as she speaks – a real treat if you ever get to sit down and chat with her), I can see how they could easily intimidate. So, instead of mugging my three friends, the suspects opted to run away. 

So why am I sharing a story about how a small woman scared away three would-be-muggers? Partially because the story makes me smile, I like to see crime stopped in its tracks, and you rarely hear stories like this. Also, I love to think about what the would-be-muggers discussed later. However, the main reason is because a news story ran about this incident and I feel that the writer focused more on the fact that my three friends are polyamorous than any other detail. Yes, these three people are polyamorous. However, being polyamorous doesn’t instantly mean that you can scare off would-be-criminals any more than it means that polyamorous individuals have the best sex or never get jealous. Even the title of the article focuses on the relationships, “Muggers With A Fake Gun Thwarted By Polyamorous Inwood Family“, as if that is what is most important. Very few details about the family are shared, but apparently it was important to note who is involved with who as well as the fact that Ms Fox is “open about her polyamorous lifestyle”.

What does their lifestyle have to do with stopping a mugging? The majority of the comments on the article focus on polyamory. One commenter, Jonathan Shepherd Spencer, points out that the lifestyle is not related to the crime. Rather than be annoyed or withdrawing from the situation, my three friends have had a bit of fun with it. A picture was posted on Twitter of the family wearing a holiday gift – new shirts that proudly declare the wearer to be part of the Crimefighting Polyamorists of Inwood. I have lupus, and while it is not a good analogy to compare a health issue to polyamory, I can’t imagine reading an article that would say, “Holly Moyseenko, who attempts to triumph over lupus, karate chopped a would be mugger today.”

I believe that polyamory is significantly more common than many people realize. I have several groups of friends where the majority of people are polyamorous. I am currently monogamous and I see the tables being turned – I was cornered at an event recently while a few people asked me what it was like to be monogamous with confused and fascinated expressions. How different would that article be if the headline was instead “Muggers With A Fake Gun Thwarted By Monogamous Inwood Family?” So, on one hand while I appreciate more individuals showing polyamory in a neutral or positive light, I do not understand how the fact that these three people are polyamorous plays any part in them stopping a mugging.

Do you think it was worth noting that they are polyamorous? Also, would you wear their shirt or a similar one? Unfortunately Christmas (and my birthday) is over, so I may have to find another occasion to add a shirt like this to my wishlist.

Follow us on Twitter @mysexprofessor and find Holly, the author of this post, @ItsHollyAgain.

About Holly Moyseenko

Holly Moyseenko is a sex educator living in Ohio. She is an advocate of positive and healthy sexuality. Holly currently works for a non-profit health organization as a health educator, and also teaches workshops that focus on many topics within the realm of healthy sexuality. In her spare time, she also is an advocate for survivors of sexual assault, gardens, reads anything within reach, drinks copious amounts of tea, and naps with her two dogs.

  • http://www.bringbackdesire.com/ Ande Lyons


    Heck no it’s not about Poly or Mono – it’s about quality, fabulous, sensational people who share their amazing gifts with the world (crime fighting gifts, too!), and bring love, joy and laughter (albeit in the face of fake gun toting adversity) to all their adventures.

    TERRIFIC post – la la LOVED it.


    Ande Lyons

  • http://profiles.google.com/hmoyseenko Holly Moyseenko-Kossover

    Yep – I hadn’t realized who had edited that article (see Rose’s comment below!). Sadly, I’ve had writer friends show me the draft that they submitted of different articles (I don’t know this writer, but am sure she’s fabulous) and then seen the draft that was published – TOTAL difference. I think it’s awesome that they did put it out there though and that the article showed poly is such a positive light :)

  • http://profiles.google.com/hmoyseenko Holly Moyseenko-Kossover

    No prob! Thank for putting this here about the journalist. I’ve had writer friends show me the submitted drafts of articles and then what was published. Eek. Glad that it got hits and thank you (and to Josh & Xtina) for being so open! I’m glad that your relationship (&poly) was shown in such a positive light, especially in a mainstream publication. I feel like it tends to get a negative view way too often.

  • http://profiles.google.com/hmoyseenko Holly Moyseenko-Kossover

    Ande -
    Thank you so much :) These people are wonderful – Rose is one of the kindest people I am lucky enough to know, and intelligent & beautiful to boot. It takes a lot of guts to laugh in the face of someone trying to mug you, and I definitely applaud their crime fighting.