Maxwell’s people need to allow us to embed music videos

You can embed an awful lot of YouTube videos, which is how I put a bunch of videos on MSP. But for some reason, Maxwell’s people are not letting people embed this video on other web sites so you will have to go to YouTube to view his Get to Know Ya video. I still remember the first day that I heard this song. It was a gorgeous Fall day, some time in November 2006, and I was cooking lunch or dinner with a friend. We had the door open, the windows open, and were cooking soup from scratch and the sun was shining in… and there was Maxwell. And this song just threw me for a loop. One morning that winter, I even woke up singing "I, I, know ya" in that particular Maxwell style. Literally woke up just singing and humming it, unable to place it for a moment, and then it hit me.

Like much of Al Green’s music, I find this song particularly sexy. Music can do so much more for a person’s relationship or sexual experience than we often give it credit for, maybe because we’ve been bombarded with too many horrible tv or movie scenes where some guy tries (unsuccessfully) to get a girl in the mood by playing cheesy music. But music is often the soundtrack to our relationships and some of our sexual experiences, and it can often get us in a sexy, aroused, or excited mood that helps us to be open to a partner, or maybe it facilitates dancing or closeness for others, or just a shared sense of "you like this song? I do too!", helping two people to feel closer.

Or maybe you would turn music on whenever you and your partner had sex so that your or his/her roommates wouldn’t hear you, and now every time you hear that song, you can’t help but think of that moment… or maybe you once made out in a car while a certain song was playing, or after a break-up or divorce, you couldn’t bear to listen to certain songs.

Here are some songs that have had particular meaning for me, from ages 10 on up:

- Girls, Girls, Girls by Motely Crue (don’t ask – some guy put it on a mix tape for me once)
- Bad Medicine by Bon Jovi (it gets even more embarrassing, doesn’t it?)
- Crazy for You by Madonna (this song made my 10 year old self dream of the day that I would one day start dating and fall in love – it was playing at a roller skating rink during couples skate time, and not being old enough to date, my female cousin and I skated to it together, and yes – we held hands)
- Feel Like Makin’ Love by Bad Company (but not in the way that you’re thinking… minds out of the gutter, please)
- Play Me by Neil Diamond (have I ever mentioned how much I adore Neil Diamond? And yes, I am going to see him on tour this summer!)
- Wildflowers by Tom Petty
- Champion by Kanye
- Hula Girl by Jimmy Buffett
- Hello by Neil Diamond (yes, again)
- If You Could Read My Mind by Gordon Lightfoot (saddest song ever in the history of the universe – it has meant different things to me during/after different relationships)
- You Are by Lionel Richie (I do an incredible interpretive partner dance to this song)
- Still in Love with You – Al Green
- Come Monday by Jimmy Buffett (that line "and now you’re off on vacation, something you tried to explain" has made me sad since I was 16 or 17)
- Flake by Jack Johnson
- The Blower’s Daughter by Damien Rice (here, it’s that line "and so it is, the shorter story, no love no glory, no hero in her skies" that gets me… I think guys are raised to want to take care of women and to be some type of hero or saving grace to them, and it is so sad when men find that they are no longer that person for the women they loved.)

[P.S. I'm on the phone with someone who is basically forcing me to add the following to the list: Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" and - for some reason one cannot explain - "Baby Got Back", not to mention "Wonderful Tonight," "Everything I Do" and - oh no - "that Mr. Big song" (which is "Be with you"). So much cheesy-ness - why?]

What songs do you find particularly sexy or joyful? What songs have been instrumental to your relationships, or heartbreaking? And why? Let me know… I’d love to post some of them. In the mean time, don’t forget to watch Maxwell’s video here.

[Image via this site.]

About Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick

Dr. Debby Herbenick is a sex researcher at Indiana University, sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, columnist, and author of five books about sex and love. Learn more about her work at