I’ve been living in my new apartment for roughly six months now, so I’m not exactly sure why it’s taken me this long to notice this, but — all of our mounted ceiling lights look like boobs. I stumbled across the first breast-like light one afternoon when I was home sick from work. I was lying down with my head hanging over the foot of my bed, and there it was: A breast — smack-dab in the middle of my ceiling. I suppose this just shows how nonobservant I am; considering the exact same fixture is mounted in my roommate’s room, both hallways, the kitchen, as well as the bathroom. Lesson learned? Continue Reading →
Would You Try Vaginal Steaming?
A friend of mine recently asked me my opinion on vaginal steaming. At first I assumed that I mis-heard her. I mean, I’ve heard of facial steaming or steaming vegetables, but vaginal? Turns out, it’s a thing that has been around for some time, especially in Korea. The article explains that vaginal steaming isn’t purely cosmetic and some claim that it can “reduce stress, fight infections, clear hemorrhoids, regulate menstrual cycles and aid infertility, among many other health benefits.” My friend’s gynecologist mentioned it to her while she is undergoing fertility treatments (please note that I’m not suggesting this may or may not work, and this isn’t medical advice; if you are debating giving vaginal steaming a shot, run it past your own doctor). Continue Reading →
Revisiting Sex Work And Checking My Privilege
I was pretty pleased with my post on why legislating sex work is problematic, until someone wrote to me to point out where I got it wrong. That’s actually what I was hoping for, as I’d concluded the post by writing:
To that end, if I’ve misrepresented the nature of sex work or adult performance here in this article, I apologize and request that someone from the community contact me and correct me. I’m just an academic who’s good at spotting patterns and analyzing cultural trends – you know more about your lives than I do. Not that it’s your job to teach me, but hopefully I can use this blog as a platform to correct false impressions about sex work and sexuality in general. So when C. Simon, an escort, emailed me and pointed out that I’d undermined my own argument in certain ways, I was both happy to receive the criticism and chagrined that I’d fallen prey to the very logic I’d been trying to critique. Continue Reading →
Breaking News: Disabled People Have Sex
It’s common knowledge that many people enjoy sex. Disabled people are people. So, shouldn’t logic follow that most disabled people enjoy sex? I’ve gone to many talks at conferences that cover that very topic, and I’m always a little surprised that it’s breaking news to many that people of all different abilities enjoy sex. I recently read about a campaign in the UK called “Undressing Disability” and I would love to see something similar in America. Continue Reading →
Sex Toy Review: We-Vibe Touch
If you’re looking for an eco-friendly vibrator that’s soft-to-the-touch, this product should be on your radar. What you need to know right off the bat: Similar to the We-Vibe Tango (check out the MSP review, here!), the Touch is also waterproof, green, and rechargeable. In fact, a single charge will give you up to two hours of playtime, and it only takes 90 minutes to reboot. The vibe has eight different vibration modes (see photo below), and it’s encased in 100% medical-grade platinum silicone—which means it’s gentle on your goods as well as the environment. The main perks:
We-Vibe’s products all have the same charging base, so that means if you own multiple vibes from this company, you really only need to have one cord on hand. Continue Reading →
If You’re A Consenting Adult, I Support You Doing Anything
When I write that I support consenting adults doing anything, that statement of course comes with a few caveats: “anything” should not include acts that harm others, at least without their pre-communicated consent (as in, say, giving a beating in a BDSM setting). This is where the discussion gets complicated, since how do we define “harm”? Is it possible to consent to ostensibly harmful acts, like being punched or whipped as part of a sexual scene? I think it is, but I also think there are coercive situations where consent gets muddled and there are then social pressures to not talk about it in those terms.
In general, though, if you’re an adult who is informed about the circumstances and thus able to give consent, I’m not going to tell you
Who to date
Who to have sex with
How to have sex*
What props or toys to use (or not use) while having sex with others or yourself
Whether you should or should not try kink or polyamory
Whether you should choose to sell sexual acts
I am, however, going to tell you
To go out of your way to get as much information as possible about the potential risks and benefits of any sexual acts you might try
To make sure your partner(s) are clear on what you’re planning on doing so that everyone can give informed consent
To make sure you want what you’re pursuing and that you’re trying it for the “right” reasons (which, admittedly, may not be the same as society’s version of the “right” reasons, but in general, try to identify what it is you want so that you can be authentic to your desires rather than giving in to peer pressure)
I may not be a fan of every sex act or relationship choice out there, but I support your right to choose these things. I try not to fall into the trap of thinking that if I don’t like it, it must be morally repugnant. Continue Reading →
Are You Aware Of The Clitoris?
Welcome to International Clitoris Awareness Week! This is the first year that the clitoris has its own week, and is celebrated May 6-12, according to the Huffington Post. While I agree that the clitoris is an amazing body part and deserves more than a little celebration, I had no idea that it had its own week. Clitoraid, an organization that aids survivors of female genital mutilation, came up with the idea and is sponsoring the week. Clitoraid’s spokeswoman Nadine Gary noticed that often talking about clitoris makes people uncomfortable and “whenever something has an ‘awareness day’ it makes it more comfortable to talk about” and I absolutely agree. Continue Reading →
Wedding Season Reflections Part III: A Healthy Balance of Hard Work and Fun
For my final reflection, after celebrating the fact that there’s power vested in us and giving a few awesome sexual newbies wedding night advice, I wanted to talk about one of my favorite weddings of the summer. While I loved being present for all of these amazing nuptials (just like when I go see a play – it’s nice in the audience), but I really prefer being onstage. So I was happy to be a big part of my best friend’s wedding. In my role as “best man,” I had a lot of jobs to do. Some prescribed by the bride and groom, and some prescribed by society. Continue Reading →
Hymen Handling Tips
In the mood for a cute, upbeat video that discusses how to better understand and care for your (or your intimate partner’s) hymen? Then watch this, and take note of the speaker’s tips on how to ease into sexual activity while taking into account the porous membrane that partially covers the vagina. You can also read Dr. Debby’s advice on how to deal with a hymen that covers more of the vagina and can thus lead to painful sex. Continue Reading →
O-H-I-No! – Limits to Sex Ed in Ohio’s Schools
I’ve mentioned here before that I live in Ohio, and have a decent amount of pride for my chosen state (and especially the city that I live in). Living in Ohio can be a constant test, whether it’s experiencing a whole season in the matter of days or dealing with living in a state that is not a fan of comprehensive sexuality education. Each semester, I have a minimum of three students who tell me that they wish they had received adequate sexuality education before now (these are college students, typically juniors and seniors). I have students who tell me that they believe they wouldn’t have been pregnant or have dealt with a sexually transmitted infection, etc. While on one hand I’m glad that my students seem to enjoy and learn in my classroom, I do wish that medically accurate and age appropriate sexuality education was more readily available. Continue Reading →